In the spirit of learning.

Oh hey, did you know that it is Shark Week? Also known as my least favorite week on television. You see, I have this biology degree and work somewhere that revolves around animals and education. And I don't like to play the biologist card because I've never done field work but I do the reading and the learning and the loving of all things science. So the Discovery Channel's idea of teaching people about sharks? MY NIGHTMARE.

Full disclosure: I actually haven't watched anything from Shark Week yet. Or in years actually. But the social media shitstorm of ignorance that results from what they are airing hurts my shark-loving soul so deeply that I cannot, CANNOT just sit here and ignore it.

This article that I wanted to make love to already made nailed the core issue here. So what is my deal? I aim to educate you, y'all. I present to you - really fucking cool facts or otherwise interesting information about sharks.*

• Sharks have 7 senses. That's right, seven. In addition to the normal 5 senses, they also have a lateral line (to sense vibrations/movement in the water) and ampullae (am-pew-lay) of Lorenzini (which detect bioelectric fields - which all living things produce). Pores that detect electrical fields in the ocean? You can't even be on that level.

• Sharks do not, I repeat DO NOT have to keep swimming to survive. Not all of them. Yes, they have low-blood pressure and swimming aids in bloodflow. However, some are fully capable of spending long periods of time resting on the ocean floor.

• They can have up to 30,000 teeth in a lifetime. Because they break/fall out when they are eating. Because they don't have dainty hands to use utensils. Your teeth would break too...

• Their scales are actually tiny teeth, with the three tooth-layers and all. 

• The largest living shark is the whale shark, growing up to 45 feet long (yes, a school bus). Not a whale, but a shark. I understand how that can be confusing, I do. They filter-feed and don't even have functional teeth in that massive mouth.

And now - things that are more likely to kill you than sharks. All stats courtesy of the International Shark Attack File.

• Dogs. In 2010, 33 humans were killed by dogs. Only 2 humans were killed by sharks.

• Boats. From 1998-2010 an average of 254 humans were killed in boating accidents. Shark attack fatalities? An average of 0.8.

• Lightning. From 1998-2010 an average of 38 humans were killed by lightning strikes. Shark attacks fatalities? 0.5.

Are we noticing a theme here? Guys, sharks are not the worst animals in the world. But they are really fucking cool and you know what? Humans are demolishing their populations and their habitats. Sharks are very, very susceptible to overfishing because they are slow-growing animals that reproduce at a later age. 

What did she just say? Basically it takes their population a long time to recover if we take too many from the ocean. And SURPRISE. We are. We are taking too many on accident (entanglement in fishing gear set out for other animals) or on purpose (sharks are hunted legally and illegally for their meat and fins). And without enough sharks to keep the ecosystem in balance, the food chain would become a complete disaster and the ocean would go to shit. Long story short.

So what can you do? First of all, please educate yourself. I know it is easy to get wrapped up into the OMGSHARKWEEK hype. I know, I do. The Florida Museum of Natural History has an amazing site that is one of my go-tos. The documentary Sharkwater, although melodramatic at times, is a much better movie than anything you will see on Discovery. Secondly, if you eat seafood look for sustainable brands that don't heavily impact populations or habitats. Monterey Bay Aquarium has a great sustainability guide or just ask your waiter at restaurants, they'll totally love you for it I'm sure.

Thank you for allowing me to be a biologist for a moment. And promise me that we will never have to do this with mermaids, okay?

*I can provide citations, if necessary.