Below are thoughts that have occurred whilst perusing 9,000 million wedding blogs:
- Your wedding is not an adjective. Your wedding is not RUSTIC. Vintage rustic. Elegant vintage. Classic elegance. DIY boho. Rustic cultural vintage hobo clown. WHIMSICAL SHARKNADO.
- Mason jars have had their moment. Plenty of them, in fact. Stop with that.
- But who cleans up all that confetti?
- Those cowboy boots with your $7500 dress? Bitch we all know you've never been on a horse and this is your first time at a farm. So stop it.
- Do I need 18 bridesmaids?
- Stop standing in fields, casually. You're getting fucking married not tilling the land.
- I wonder if they would sponsor my wedding.
- Why is she in a canoe? SIT DOWN.
- SMILE. You are not Linda Evangelista for the love of baby jesus, smile in your wedding photos!
- Why is he holding antlers?
- Chandeliers should probably not be in trees because that really seems like a fire hazard.
- THAT WAS MY IDEA.
- Do I rent the minihorse or was it just casually strolling in a nearby field and she grabbed it for photos?
- I really need to do more pushups.
- I could probably budget for that $6,000 dress.
- THAT WAS MY SONG.
- Haven't I seen this wedding 6 times already?
- Peonies? Unsurprising.
- Oh, I can totally make that.
That final bullet point? I've already had my first DIY fail. I suspect it will be the first of many. I'll tell you about it one day when I recover from wasting half of my whimsical, rustic kraft paper cards.
Now if you'll excuse me I have a full list of wedding blogs to catch up on before the weekend. I can't stop. And I won't stop. Cheers!
Can't stop won't stop! Get it Tiff Gee!
ReplyDeleteSo we can count on a rustic cultural vintage hobo clown wedding from you? Perfect. I can't wait to see the photos of that. Even though I'm scared of clowns.
UGH, I'm not even in the ballpark of marriage and I feel I can relate to these because I troll weddingGawker.com (sorry, it's going to be your new addiction) on the regular. If you had a mini-horse at your wedding, though, I WOULDN'T BE MAD.
ReplyDeleteLMFAO!!!! i thought those EXACT things when i was planning my wedding except back then, blogging wasn't cool and no one really had blogs so i would be doing that when i was looking at wedding magazines
ReplyDelete-kathy
Vodka and Soda
to quote rod stewart:
ReplyDeletehave i told you lately that i love you?
i have i told you there's no one else above you?
because seriously i come here each and every day and i'm just reminded of how inappropriately obsessed with you i am. is there a support group for that?
Hahahah yes this is just plain awesome and true. Mason jars have had their moment. I'm dying.
ReplyDeletehaha! Basically the best post ever. I always feel that way about girls in cowboy boots- especially when I know they bought their first pair of cowboy boots for their wedding...and have likely not worn them since. Because they live in the middle of the city!
ReplyDeleteGOD THESE ARE ALL SO TRUE and now I soooooort of want to have a sharknado wedding.
ReplyDeleteAutumn sent me here via her Twitter. I'm getting married in a hotel ballroom in a non-couture dress with satin pumps on my feet and we will be drinking wine out of wine glasses and martinis out of martini glasses and the flowers (no peonies) will be in vases and there will be nary a slip of burlap in sight. We don't have a custom monogram, we are not allowing our DJ to play any song by Mumford & Sons, my groom is wearing fucking dress shoes and not Converse sneakers, and we don't have any DIY anywhere.
ReplyDeleteI AM SO EXCITED. I cannot wait to have a non-trendy wedding that my grandkids can look at and say, "Now THAT looks like a wedding."
Bottom line - LOVE this post!!!
Now I have an entirely new plan for my wedding. WHIMSICAL SHARKNADO coming at you, June 7th 2014.
ReplyDelete"But who cleans up all that confetti?" EXACTLY, TIFF. EXACTLY.
ReplyDeleteYou need to write a book about planning a wedding, and that needs to be the title of it.
Haha I know EXACTLY how you are feeling. I wanted peonies but damn I'm not paying out of season prices...I wanted a chandlier and then I found out the cost and was like fuck that. Alas, our wedding was our wedding. We wanted dancin' music, good food and a candy table plus the best damn cake money could buy and when it was all over, people came up to us and said that was the best wedding they had ever been to...not one person said they liked my table scapes...the ones that took me a month to do...have fun, drink, dance, and do your thing girl!
ReplyDeleteHahaha. I could not agree with you about mason jars. OVER IT.
ReplyDeleteWhimsical sharknado would be the perfect wedding theme for you. Whimsical Meowwnado maybe. Doooo it.
ReplyDeleteWhimsical Sharknado, now THAT is a wedding theme.
ReplyDeleteYou are definitely suffering from over-exposure/addiction to wedding planning. I'm thinking once you get down to brass taxes, your voice and interpretation of what your wedding will be like will be there and all the cliché labels and crap will fade away.
Holy. Shit. This is seriously amazing. Except for I really freaking do love the peonies. The push ups one is on effing point.
ReplyDeleteThis is hilarious and so freaking true. I got married before pinterest, in a more simple time, but it also makes me feel like that old grandma that doesn't understand what those young kids are thinking.
ReplyDeleteThe mini horse! Too freaking funny
I will have mason jars, but ironically. That makes them okay, right? What if I put sharks in them.
ReplyDeleteWHIMSICAL SHARKNADO is still making me giggle. I have read this post at least 3 times today. But really, why do people not smile? Our photographer made us take some serious ones and I can't even look at them it's so painful.
ReplyDeleteLike Anna, I got married right before Pinterest became the thing it is. I didn't know any better. I didn't have any chandeliers in a tree, thank goodness. I also didn't have my guests hold up empty pictures frames as photo props. Can we talk about how much I hate that fad? Because I hate it.
Your blog posts and tweets about wedding planning are giving me PTSD. I wish I could have even look at wedding blogs back then. I shut down and ignored it all. I was a mess and so was my ugly wedding. BUT IT'S THE MARRIAGE THAT COUNTS!
ReplyDeleteI hate mason jars. They are really uncomfortable to drink out of.
Wedding blogs make me feel super inferior. My sister in law is planning her wedding, and I'm super happy for her and all that. But she is planning a very trendy, hipster wedding possibly with a taco truck, and the 50s style dresses (which I love don't get me wrong). And all of it is great. But it's the ACTING like all this is her brand new idea that she just thought of an no one else has ever done before that is irritating. End of rant.
ReplyDeleteHahaha oh my gosh this kills me. I am engaged and I'm getting married in March, and I would just like to announce that I have not used pinterest ONCE. No mason jars or mini horses or cowboy boots at my wedding, thankyouverymuch!! :)
ReplyDeleteIf I could do my wedding over I'd totally go for Whimsical Sharknado.
ReplyDeletelike, not even a question at this point.
can I admit i'm half happy i had no clue what blogs or pinterest were for my wedding....the other half is, "damn why didn't i think of that?!". But I probably would not have craed or doen anythign because i was lazy and left it mostly up to my wedding planner...I mean that's why i hired her!! she gave me 3 choices and i picked what i liked best...thedress was the hardest part for me and took a month!! and no I din't spend 6,000...just 1,500...which is still a lot!!
ReplyDeleteSo glad I'm not planning a wedding in the era of pinterest. Swear if I ever get married again I'm eloping on a beach. period.
ReplyDeletethis is perfection. effing pinterest and wedding websites. i am getting married in a courthouse at this rate
ReplyDeleteExactly!! I'm actually glad that there was pinterest a d I didn't read blogs when I got married. Way too overwhelming. I did everything my own way.
ReplyDelete