We went to Vegas and came back unmarried!

Well, we somehow managed to return from Vegas relatively unscathed and very much so unmarried. I know, I know. Some of you were hoping that I would get him drunk enough to hop in a cab and go to the drive-through wedding chapel. Okay so maybe I am the only one. Whatever. But really, this might have been the best weekend of my life.

When we arrived on Thursday we headed to check Justin in for his convention (which I will not be going into detail here because although it was mind-boggling and often hilarious, these are the people that keep him employed and are therefore off-limits. But if you are interested, it was SOE Live. Google will do the rest). Because we were starving we ate at the closest place we could find, Le Burger Brasserie. Where I quickly decided that the 100 ounce tower of beer would be the most economical way to get drunk. Because above all, I am an economical drinker. 

Okay, I just forgot everything else that happened that night. It was a long time ago, really.

Friday we wandered the strip most of the afternoon and managed to get DAY DRUNK, BITCHES. Which Justin announced multiple times. MULTIPLE times. We had some "walking beers" and I played my favorite game, "Is that what my ass looks like?" The answer is usually, No. This was a great opportunity to show Justin the great ways of penny slots. And he was instantly addicted. 

While I was getting ready for dinner Justin played his favorite game, "Drink along to the Boston drinking songs!" So by the time we finished up dinner at Margaritaville and had too many of their powerful, fruity, and acidic concotions Justin was down for the count. Which was fine because I wanted to resume my important mermaid time in the jacuzzi tub. I also learned that if you plan on spilling a full drink on your lap, it is best to do so wearing a pleather skirt. That shit just wipes right off. Incredible!

Saturday saw much, much more gambling. Much more day-drinking on my behalf (he had some work to do in the afternoon and had to hold off). And much more mermaid time, this time with BUBBLES! Saturday night was our fancy night and we went to Gallagher's Steakhouse in our hotel. They are famous for doing something to their meat that I still don't understand, but I do know that it makes it taste amazing. It was most definitely the nicest dinner that anyone has ever taken me to. He does things like that, this guy right here.

And then we spent the rest of the night playing slots! We of course nerded out and played the Lord of the Rings, Ghostbusters, the Dark Knight, and many more. And the Hangover slots are the coolest. But we were most successful on a system that features "group play" in which everyone gets a bonus! Because it's the damn bonuses that keep you going, and going and hold on I need to go get more cash.

I have this embarrassing habit of talking to the old people that sit next to me at machines. And I cheer for them and get all involved in their business. Because I know that one day that will be me and some young bitches better be cheering for me when I win $3 on a bonus round.

We also eventually started yelling at the machines. And scaring questionable people away from us. I guess when you are sitting next to two nicely dressed people yelling "Fuck you, HORSE!" during the bonus round in a slot machine where $6 is at stake, you might get a little creeped out too. But really, we did pretty well and if I wasn't such a poor gambling influence we might have walked away with more money.

It was a spectacularly fun and oddly enough, relaxing weekend. Blackout curtains, a king size bed, and a jacuzzi tub will do that to you. Until next year, Vegas. You did us good.