But they suffered so!

When my mom told 8 year-old Tiffany that she was pregnant BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE with twins, I threw a pillow at her and ran upstairs and cried. Like any other rational child my age would've done! Um excuse me mother, but you are bringing not one, BUT TWO nasty tiny babies into my queendom? She is lucky it was just a pillow.

That right there happens to be my mom's favorite story to tell everyone in the entire goddamned world. And those two nasty tiny babies turned 22 yesterday and we spent the weekend celebrating.

The thing is, they really do have one of those amazing birth survival stories that you see on TLC and shit. Except my mom knew she was pregnant so they weren't born in a bathroom. Without getting too graphic here because I know how we like uterine talk around these parts, these girls had nothing separating them in the womb so they could've been siamese (which is only funny now, not then) and they were incredibly high risk. In her 5th month of pregnancy, my mom was ordered to stay in the hospital on bedrest, and two months later they were delivered in the wee hours of the morning via emergency c-section. Why? Because Brittany was trying to strangle Brooke. The weird part? She still is.

The first few weeks of their lives were spent in incubators in which they looked like tiny frogs. So yea, you could say they had a rough start. So growing up my mom had a little saying, sometimes serious but mostly sarcastic..."But they suffered so!" Indeed, mother. And now we all have to.

Little sisters are truly a clichéd blessing and curse. You get to be the cool one that takes them to concerts and tells them what music they should be listening to. You get to chaperone their 8th grade field trip to Washington DC. You get to wear their clothes that one time that you were skinny enough to. Oh, and you have an automatic designated driver!

But you also have to watch them make the same mistakes you did and pull your hair out and be all OH MY GOD DID YOU LEARN NOTHING? Their freshman year of high school when you say, "Don't date my ex-boyfriend's little brother!" and then they immediately do? When you tell them that your world shouldn't revolve around a boyfriend and that they are too young and for the love of buddha please stay in school? And for fuck's sake SAVE YOUR MONEY. They don't listen. They don't listen, and they fail, and their hearts break and so does yours. Just like yours did, and just like theirs will continue to.

And all you can do is listen. And not say I told you so. And let them sleep on your couch for a few weeks. And remind them that they are beautiful, and talented, and so full of love and that they never have anything to be insecure about. 

And then continue to shame them for chewing with their mouths open and liking the Kardashians.

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