Except today that kind of happened to me. As I was sitting in traffic pondering the rest of this post below, a minivan beheld a bumper sticker that spoke to my soul. It was so simple and generic that I can recreate it right here.
Don't believe everything you think.
And just like that, many of my fears lightened. This simple bumper sticker was rather helpful. You go, bumper sticker.
This is about things that I don't ever blog about, because of my readership — which consists of a lot of family members and close friends. I don't want blog topics to ever have severe effects on any of my life relationships. But it is REAL TALK TUESDAY and I feel like getting some things off my chest, with the hope that my heart will relax and my life will go back to beating normally.
Since I've been with Justin, many of my other relationships have changed. I have taken a step — in some relationships a few steps — back to focus on us. Our relationship became the most important thing in my life, besides jmeoww naturally. And because I never had such a strong, adult relationship it took me some time to adjust — and I find myself still adjusting.
I have also taken some steps back because in the big picture it is healthier for me. It is healthier for me not to panic and worry about problems that I cannot fix. It is healthier for me to offer the level of support I am comfortable of giving, and then stop. It is healthier for me to be less involved in all of the business. Bottom line.
This? All of this is a HUGE trigger for me and I feel as though if I can say this and work it out in my head, I won't feel guilty and I can own my relationships a little bit better. I will be comfortable giving what I can, and not worry about anything more than that.
"It is healthier for me to offer the level of support I am comfortable of giving, and then stop. It is healthier for me to be less involved in all of the business. Bottom line."
ReplyDeletethe whole "giving, and then stop" was literally just a lightbulb moment for me, so thank you for that. so simple, and yet i think a lot of us find ourselves constantly trying to fix others problems before we think of ourselves. its a dreadful cycle really. maybe i need to learn to give. AND remember to stop.
I was going to copy the exact same quote the girl above me did! Once in a while I get so emotionally invested in someone else's problems that I completely forget that the problem in question is NOT MINE. It's hard to toe the line between doing too much for someone and supporting them while they take care of their own messes, or even to know where that line is, sometimes.
ReplyDeleteMake this whole entire post into a bumper sticker.
very profound lady. i enjoyed it.
ReplyDeletebut know that if you ever take a step back from me i'll hunt you down and force you to spend every waking moment with me till you realize the error of your ways.
you go bumper sticker.
ReplyDeletehaha I love it. But for real.
also, you just changed my life.
Life is so much better when you say no to what you want to say no to, adjust your expectations of yourself and of others and of your relationships, and give what you can...not all you have.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for looking out for you, and for your relationship.
You go Glen Cocoa.
ReplyDeleteListen, I hear you, I understand you, and I appreciate you. I haven't had a boyfriend in a while but everyone should fall away, because it is the most important relationship you could potentially ever have. you know? Scary shit, I'm stayin' single.
Uhhh that bumper sticker just changed my life, too. Who knew minivanners were so deep? DAMN
ReplyDeleteso agree. that simple bumper sticker rocks, i love it!
ReplyDeleteYou go. I agree with all of this, and I have done the same thing.
ReplyDeleteAnd the fact that this was on a mini van kills me.
I heart you!! I always swore that i would abide by the "sisters before misters" code when I stopped partying and settled into a relationship. When I started dating Matt and it got serious...ALL my friends quickly jumped in with "you're always with him" and "you never hang out anymore". It made me mad because um hello my time was divided by school, work, sorority, friends, family and then matt...I saw Matt 2x a week for 2 years and I would get mad if they pulled those lines. I agree once you step back for the sake of your relationship and grow it, others eventually understand and adjust, instead of you adjusting to them. Love ya!!
ReplyDeleteIronically enough, I saw the same bumper sticker a few weeks ago and it inspired me too! I even wrote a blog post about it, it really is a great message!
ReplyDeleteThroughout my entire relationship, I've definitely struggled with how connected I am to my girlfriends. It was important to me to make sure I still had plenty of girl time when Matt and I got serious, and I am pretty good about seeing my friends regularly, but you're right: shit changes! Matt is definitely my first priority and that impacts the intimacy of my other relationships. Sounds like you've got a good head on your shoulders about it. :)
ReplyDeleteVery well expressed, Tiffany.
ReplyDeleteI've been contemplating the concept of us as women "Having it all" and I'm not sure I'll ever master that pie-in-the-sky idea. As people ask about me having a baby, I look at the three things I'm trying to be the master of (my relationship with my husband, work and friendships) I feel at times by my own perfectionist standards that I'm failing on at least one of these things, daily.
Blogging is important to me only because I can see how others deal with and express similar or maybe even completely different issues. It seems to me you have a very level headed view of the changes and I think this blog post will be encouraging to people, and hopefully help those close to you, understand you better.
Some friends do indeed fall by the wayside when love enters the picture. Your true friends will go through the adjustment with you and be there on the other side when you figure it out.
I burst out that sentence from your first paragraph when I see people get into political debates on social networks. Like all it takes is for someone to post a cartoon or sound bite to make me change views on the world.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I love this! I used to get so depressed about moving in with Jacob, then being married, then having kids, all while missing my friends. I don't think I got over it until about 3 years ago when I finally realized I'm just really happy as is. It's still sad to think about friendships that have been tossed aside (not always by me), and I do feel guilty that I don't spend time with more of my friends (I only see about five of them regularly), but lives change, friendships evolve, and some of them were only meant for certain periods in my life.
Geez, Debbie Downer.