For the past two days I have been dizzy, nauseous, tired, and weepy. And shut your dirty mouth right now there is not anything spawning inside of me. I'm trying to be serious here! I slept A LOT Sunday and then watched the saddest and best documentaries I've ever seen, Dear Zachary. Now let me tell you, it was emotional. But I was CRY-ING. Like, let me pause this part so I can sob for four minutes type of crying. I chalked it up to being overtired and the sheer intensity of the story that was being told. Then I went up to see the man after he had been in Vegas for two days and I immediately melted into tears when I walked through the door. Because that damn documentary was SO SAD, right?
I left work after two hours on Monday because I was shaky, tired, and seriously weepy. After sleeping for about four hours, I laid in bed thinking what the fuck is going on. And then, DING DING DING. I tried to remember the last time I took my Effexor and could not remember. Mystery, solved. And dear god I am kicking myself in the ass right now because I feel absolutely terrible and it is entirely my fault. It was a busy weekend and I simply forgot.
I've tried to quit taking antidepressants several times in my life and have failed miserably each time because well, you just aren't supposed to do that. But my biggest fear is that even if I want to slowly taper off, all of the above will be every day of my life. And isn't that just awful? I am happier than I can ever remember but I am completely dependent on a pill for my stability. I know, I know. You quit them. Your friend did it. Your mom's cousin's best friend did it. I get it. I just can't.
At least not right now. I've taken some major strides to help with the anxiety side of the issue but even sometimes that comes around and bites me in the ass. Which leads to a similar spiral. I was doing so well, what happened?
Nothing happened. This is not conditional, it is who I am. I will continue to change as much as I can in my life to ease the effects. And I will hopefully never again forget to take my pills this many days in a row.
If it's what you need, then it's what you need! Take care of yourself and feel better :)
ReplyDeleteI've taken antidepressants since I was 17. I took 3 years off from 20-23. Most times I did okay, but then earlier this year a bunch of shit hit the fan and I knew I needed some extra help. Every time I get down on myself about it, my mom tells me that it's like a diabetic refusing insulin, a disease is a disease. Take those pills girl :)
ReplyDeleteHow have I known you since we were 12 and didn't know you take these?! I hope you didn't forget to take them because you had all of us crazy bitches driving you crazy and running you ragged this weekend!
ReplyDeleteI think that if you need them you should just take them. I totally agree with the above comment that a diabetic wouldn't stop taking insulin. Same thing.
I hope you're feeling better today!
I did the same thing recently with my Zoloft, and had the hardest time at work! I have accepted that there is no quitting them in the near future for me, and I am okay with that. I would rather be medicated and happy/functional than the alternative. Feel better, girl! :)
ReplyDeleteAww i'm sorry you weren't feeling well, but i'm glad you know why. Ditto what Leeann said and people are different in what makes them get thru the day. Hope you're feeling better!! *hugs*
ReplyDeleteI'm gonna have to check out that documentary when life slows down a bit for me. So sorry you were feeling down, but so glad you're spirits are up again! And remember... pill or no pill, happiness is happiness... and we all want to be happy!
ReplyDeleteGirl, take them as long as you need them. It's OK!!! If it makes you healthier and happier...I say don't stop. They don't hurt you and you are not the only one in this world who has to take them everyday. Just remember to take it!!!!! That's the part that can mess you up...as you already know!
ReplyDeleteShanna
My huz has to take them every day of his life, if he doesn't oh holy moly. The stigma associated with antidepressants is so 1990. Gone are the days of prozac and crazy. If it makes you feel better I say go for it. I did for a time because my anxiety was so bad and i couldn't sleep. I weened myself off and girl it mess my system up so bad. but it was good for me at the time and I am all for it.
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