Hipster Big Bird.

I'm a little peeved. Due to the fact that the biggest controversy to come out of this election season is a controversy I created years ago. Sexy Big Bird costume is so 2010, you guys.

This was also the year that I drank a half a bottle of tequila and passed out in the front yard. Of my parents' house. Dressed as Big Bird. I will give you a moment to absorb that.

You see, it was my sister's 30th birthday and her special day just happens to fall on Halloween. So we decided to have the first of what would become a traditional Halloween bash. At my parents' house. Where parties were forbidden in my day.

That up there? That's us dancing on my father's pool table. On a normal day he doesn't let me sit on the edge of it because it might get thrown off balance. But on Halloween, all the rules are thrown out the door. 

Also thrown out the door was my common sense that year. I was going through a phase where tequila shots were my thing. I repeat, I took multiple shots of tequila rather than drink like a normal person (except for those beers I can't seem to put down, ever). I carried around my own bottle all night. Because it was MY THING.

You already know where this is going. Let me explain what was going through my head when I made the decision to head out the front door and lie down in the cool grass. We had a DJ and it was incredibly loud. My dad was smoking a cigar in the house because according to my mother who was dressed as Anna Nicole Smith, it was his party too! We all had great rationale that night. So I was hot, it was loud, and it was smoky. Who wouldn't head outdoors to the cool, quiet, and plushy grass?

Hours later my parents were alerted to my presence in the front yard by my mom's dog (my savior and love of my life). Which meant that EVERY SINGLE PERSON at the party came out front to witness me sleeping (okay, and occasionally vomiting) in the grass. They tried to get me inside. I refused. I was comfortable. I was FINE YOU GUYS. Oh my god just get me a blanket and let me be!

Finally much to my mother's elation, my sister's in-laws dragged my ass inside and dropped me in the bathroom where I remained for about 10 hours. Until I figured out how to get upstairs, where I remained for the next day and a half surrounded by my own shame and everyone elses' amusement.

To answer your questions, tequila is no longer my thing. And yes, my family and friends are still not over this nor will they ever be. And yes, there are photos but I threatened bodily harm if they ever met the internet.

If one of the thousands of people dressing as Big Bird can top that, then they may have the glory. Otherwise, I'm pretty sure I won the Big Bird contest before it was cool.

The annual Chino Halloween Party is tomorrow. Wish me luck!