Three's Company.

Last week as I was lamenting the effort that would need to be put forth to permanently rid my apartment of fleas I whined, "Can't we just move in with you?"

To which he replied, "You know what...yea! Why wait!"

And boom. We are cohabitating.

We've already decided the optimal space for activities.

Okay it didn't happen that quickly. We talked about it over dinner, and then continued the talk over drinks. And then when we got back to my apartment. And then I thought about it for a day and gave him my decision when he was drunk and pretending to be Bane, so naturally he forgot. Until the next morning when he said, "Holy shit, we're going to live together!"

We had previously talked about this, but because of my past experience I was hesitant and had set forth some stupid rules. We were at least going to wait until his lease was up, but April is so far away and this might sound weird but we really like just being around each other, even if we are doing our own thing. Which again, is known as being an adult in an adult relationship.

I do have some anxieties about moving in to his apartment, but he has reassured me that it will become OUR apartment and that I will not have to shove my stuff in boxes in a storage unit to never be seen again, again. And that we can share decorating space. And I think he said I can have the entire closet. Or something like that.

It might seem soon to some, but I realized that we would be wasting time living apart just to wait a certain amount of time that makes cohabitating societally acceptable. I have waited long enough for someone like him to be in my life, and I want to make the best out of every day. I know it will be okay because I can see it in his eyes. He wants me to live with him and I can't wait to start packing.

Losing my street cred.

And now I present songs that I love that shouldn't even be on my radar. I listen to Top 40 stations on my way to work because I only have a 10 minute commute and by the time I get my ipod all set up I'm already there and so this is what happens instead.

One More Night - Maroon 5
You guys, has anyone actually listened to Adam's voice? Or are we all just hypnotized by his body? He legitimately has an annoying voice. Listen. Listen to it. Did you listen? And the version with Cee-Lo's highly intelligent rap? I can't even handle it. But will that make me stop listening? Hell no, TURN IT UP!

As Long as You Love Me - Justin Bieber
I understand if you need to unfollow, I do (Except for you Shay!). But when I am carpooling with my bestie, we do not turn this song off. We sing it. It doesn't even make sense and that is my favorite part. It even says, "I don't know if this makes sense but..." No, Big Sean. Please explain more.

Cher Lloyd - Want U Back
I don't even have an excuse for this one. I just think she is adorable and got suckered into this childish persona by The Man.

Linkin Park - Burn it Down
I just unfollowed myself. I wasn't even going to admit this one, but I figured on a scale of 1 to Cher Lloyd, this was maybe a little more acceptable. Hi Justin. I know, I know. You win.

Let the shaming begin.

The JMEOWW Diaries V.4

Linking up for Jmeoww's life lately! Just kidding, but how great would that be. And by great I mean totally batshit insane.

• The Chronicles of Narnia & Empire State Building. Yes, I've started naming her behaviors. Because it entertains me at 11 pm when I should be sleeping but am watching her adventures on my bed. I realize how that statement sounds, but when I am in bed reading she has the best adventures. Much like how a toddler starts using their imagination, I firmly believe that J has started using hers. She will slowly go under the sheet and then spend like 10 minutes wandering around all crouched down. When she pokes her head out she has this look on her face like she just discovered the meaning of life. She alternates between this, and clinging to the corner of the bed and staring down. Like it is the highest bed ever made and she will die if she jumps. This is why I can't finish a book. It's hysterical.

• Kousin Khloe. My sister has gone full cat-lady. If she wasn't so busy being a cat lady, I'm sure she would blog about it. She's worse than me, if you can imagine that. So when I invited Brittany over for taco tuesday, she sends me this text message:

"I can haz tacos too?"

Like I can say no to that! I warned her of potential murder, but much like Kim Kardashian, Brittany does not travel without Skhloe. So J met her kousin. Which led to hours of hissing all of the hisses and very aggressive crouching. One would think it would get tiring being an asshole all of the time. Khloe touched all J's things and had the best night of her life, and I even sent her home with a toy. I'm an asshole, I know. J only likes one toy anyways, which leads us to...

• Lady. Lady. Mom. Laser. Mom? Please. Now. OMG. As soon as I walk in the door. No. As soon as I unlock the gate to get into my complex, it begins. The meowing. And meowing. So many meows. You have food. You have water. You have clean litter. Okay, FINE. Let's play catch the red dot that you will never ever catch and now your tiny brain is fried from thoughts of ever doing so. Even if it makes you pant because you are fat and it is one million degrees in my apartment. Which leads to me having a panic attack because I think you are dying. No really, this is my favorite game. We should play it ALL NIGHT!

The dying face. I can't stand it.

and finally...

• Bathtime! The animal that hates and attacks everything in the entire world loves the bath. Maybe not loves, but tolerates. What kind of insane bitch bathes her cat? This one, because said cat and said insane bitch cannot get rid of the fleas. Advantage, exterminator, obsessive vacuuming and sheet washing, foggers, and traps. We've tried it all. Anyways, the meoww does not try to kill me in the bath and I think that is just neat. Once I do let her out though, she goes and hides. Last time I found her on top of the refrigerator which is always shocking, but awfully hilarious.

Yes, my fridge is yellow.

And there you have it, faithful JMEOWW fans. Another monthly glimpse into the life of the world's most insane, and overanalyzed cat. Be sure to check back next month for the Halloween edition of JMD!

Asserting dominance.

For the first time, in a long time, we will not be mentioning the "w" word here on this blog. No, we did not witness any unions this weekend, but we did go nonstop from Friday to Sunday. Justin's brother and fiance were in town, and it was nice to spend some quality time getting to know them a little better. And by quality time I mean watching the worst movie ever made and witnessing the brothers' Bane impressions until I forced Justin to call it a night.

Saturday we all went to the San Diego Zoo's Safari Park to sweat all the sweat in the world. We will not talk about the "w" word for a while, but we will continue to talk about sweat until this heat breaks. We arrived just in time to see the gorillas emerge from their den/cave/air-conditioned suite. The great thing about the park is that most of the animals are not behind glass or fencing, so you really get a good look at them. When the big male came out, we all gasped. It was unreal. And then he took this posture and we all watched in awe. What will he do next?

And then he proceeded to take a shit and look around at us, forcing eye contact as he continued to do his business. We get it. You are dominant. You can stop now. Or go behind a bush! We were ready to run in case he decided to further assert his dominance and throw it in our direction. Luckily there was this little guy to make up for getting figuratively shit on.

BABY GORILLA. I challenge you to find something cuter. Oh, wait I already did. There was also a baby elephant. If we could have put those two together, my heart would've exploded from glee.

After a few hours of sweating and looking at really cool animals (some critically endangered, but I will spare you the talk about how we are all ruining the planet but omg did you know that only 7 northern white rhinos remain in the entire world, all in captivity? SEVEN), we went home to de-sweat and switch gears to celebrate a friend's birthday.

This is becoming one of those "and then" posts. And then we finished season 2 of Sherlock Holmes and my mind was sufficiently blown. And then we went to buy halloween costumes and giggle over the male models on the packaging. And then we completed yet another weekend of busy-ness and awesomeness. And then I realized that I have issues concluding posts. Boop.

Effin Friday: Wedding Bloopers

And now you're all, "this bitch is STILL talking about weddings?" Yes. I am. Here is why. It is Friday. Thursday I was forced by my evil bootcamp coach to run up and down these stairs for 30 minutes. Oh wow 30 minutes, right? The entire time I kept repeating to myself, "skanky vegas dress...skanky vegas dress..." It was still awful.

This is about 1/4 of the evil stairs.

I had planned to reflect on weddings and romance and wedding planning (because did you know I went to 5 weddings in 10 weeks?!?!), but I can't feel my legs. So instead, please enjoy these lovely photos. Also known as bloopers. Also known as open bars lead to great photo opportunities.

Wedding #1

Wedding #2

Wedding #3

Wedding #4

Wedding #5

And with that, I wish you all a lovely and relaxing weekend.

Black is Beautiful.

So. Did you know it is "Adopt-a-Less-Adoptable Pet" week? Now just what does that mean?

What. In. The. Hell.

Now, I realize that for many reasons my beloved animal is less desirable than other animals but I would've never thought it was because of her fur color!

Okay, wait. Let's go back in time. When I was adopting Le Meoww from her tiny little feral litter, I wanted the fuzzy gray runt. But my bestie so kindly talked me into getting TWO UNDERAGE KITTENS. All I kept saying was I don't want a black cat. But I walked out of there with a fuzzy gray runt (moment of silence for the good doctor) and a feisty shiny black kitten. And then one of them pooped in the box and then the other one did and I wanted to throw them out the window.

After we lost the good doctor to murder tiny-meoww-illness, I took Miss J to the vet. They had asked me her details over the phone so when we arrived, the vet techs died from her cute and said, Awww she's not ugly at all for a black kitten! And like a defensive mother I was like, what the fuck are you bitches talking about? Don't you dare talk about my baby like that!

Maybe she had the crazy eyes...but I wouldn't call her ugly.

Anyways, I'm not sure if there was a real point to this post. Beyond the fact that this ad campaign sent me into a fit of giggles that spiraled for hours on end. Which is the opposite of what was supposed to happen.

ps - I just realized that maybe people don't want black cats because of bad luck. To that I say grow-up, magic-believers.

pps - If they would market the one-eyed cats as "Pirates," I'm sure they would have better luck.

ppps - I'm not completely heartless. I would adopt some of these in an instant if I could. Except for the olds because who wants one of those! (totally kidding...)

Meet Cousin Snookie!

I forced my little sister to write a post. Meet her smelly dog, Snookie, aka Cookie, aka poopface. I don't know why but I like picking on this little creature more than anything.

Sister Brooke and her creature.

My sister Tiffany always writes about her crazy cat "Jmeoww" so now it is my turn to tell you about my adorable baby girl, "Snookie." On April 18, 2010 I talked my mom into going to "look" at a yorkie because I've always wanted one and my coworker called me about a lady selling them. I was super excited & I knew i had to get her but i had to find a way of talking my mom into letting me get her because my one my dad would be pissed and two we told my dad we were going to "run errands." When we got to the house to look at the yorkie, we both instantly fell in love. She was adorable and she loved being scratched on her tummy. It wasn't hard talking my mom into getting her because she was so freaking adorable. When we got home i was so nervous to walk into the door because i knew how pissed my dad would get. Well he was but we knew he would get over it, which eventually he got over it because he couldn't help falling in love with the puppy either. Her name when i got her was "Maddie" but I didn't like it so i decided to change it to "Snookie." now you may ask why I decided to name her that but i honestly couldn't tell you. Some people say "oh, you named your dog after jersey shore?" but really that name just came to me.

When i first got her i had the intentions to crate train and train her to be the perfect well behaved dog i have always wanted. That didn't happen. I spoiled her from the beginning and i couldn't stand the horrible crying she did at night from crate training so of course she slept with me. I also never trained her because i didn't put the time or effort in and now she is a complete MONSTER. She barks and growls at you like a big dog would but is such scaredy cat when it comes to interacting with you or other dogs. its quite hilarious. I wouldn't be the same without her. She wakes me up with kisses in the morning. She barks at me if i ignore her or until she gets a walk when she thinks she is getting a walk but really i wasn't planning on it. She is kinda smelly. But not too bad since i shaved her. Best decision ever. She has her certain toys she is crazy about like her cow or lamb chop. Snookie does this one play technique we call "Ferdinan the bull." She goes to the bathroom on the concrete instead of the grass because she is a lazy dog. She has plenty of nicknames and but I mainly call her my poopface or Snook. I could go on and on telling you about her but ill end my story with unforgettable memories i have made with my baby girl:

1. When i first got her, I decided to give her a walk around the block to get her adapted to the leash. I was walking around the block and out of NOWHERE these two mean dogs try to attack my puppy. I instantly freak out and scoop her up in my arms and start running and screaming home. While i was running away, the two mean dogs were still trying to get her by chasing me back to the house. it was so frightening at the time, but when i look back at this time i find myself laughing about it. <--- Tiffany note: This was seriously one of the funniest things I've ever experienced. I'm an asshole.

2. Last summer our family went to Laughlin for the River Regatta. We decided the dogs would be fine left in the house with people checking on them from time to time. That didn't go as planned because my adorable little dog decided to runaway. I feel like she only did this because she was mad at me for leaving her. When we got done with the river regatta my mom checked her phone and she had a voicemail from one of the neighbors informing us that snookie got out. I instantly was a emotional wreck and i wanted to go home. and thats what we did. My dad flew us home that day from Laughlin, not literally but he got us home faster than he has ever did. Everything turned out to be okay and i was just glad to be home with my snookie. In time, tiffany made fun of me saying i acted like Ron Burgundy from Anchorman when he lost his dog Baxter and i legitimately did.

3. I like to take Snookie on hikes with me. She does really well at hikes and sometimes i take her off of the leash. This time we were hiking along the trail and we noticed Snookie wasn't trailing along with us anymore and we look back and she is rolling around like crazy. When we get up to her we realized she had rolled in some sort of animal shit. Well let me tell you that was a fun hike back to the car and car ride home…NOT!

4.  I decided to buy a basket for my beach cruiser to take her to the beach with me. It was a great idea except for the two times Snookie tried committing suicide. You may ask why did she try doing that? i still don't know why but while we were cruising along the boardwalk the retard she is jumps out of the basket. She didn't only do this once, she did it twice. I was in shock when did it so she just hung for a second till i could get myself together and help her. it was quite embarrassing but i think after two times she learned her lesson.

Look how innocent she was!

Queen of the hike!

Snooke being the monster she is. Godzilla.

Two conversations with a case of the Mondays.

Number one: Trying to get some new flea medications for the meoww. Before I lose my mind again.

Me: Hi, I'd like to see if I can come in to pick up some new flea medication.
Vet asst: Yes.
Me: Okay. What kinds do you have, or do you have any recommendations? I bought some from petco but I don't think it worked right.
VA: Yea we have some.
Me: Is it frontline, or something else?
VA: Yea.
Me: Is there anything else I should try? I'm still finding fleas on her.
VA: You could do that.
Me: So can I come in this afternoon to pick something up?
VA: I'm not understanding what you said.

And then my head exploded.

Number two: Trying to coordinate responsibilities for a baby shower, which is becoming quite overdramatic. Over gchat:
Me: Hi, I saw that you called me but I'm in the office. Do you have time to chat on here for a bit?
Other shower planner: Yes.
Me: Okay, well did you get my email?
OSP: Yes.
Me: Alright, well does that sound okay to you?
OSP: That's what I wanted to chat about.
OH MY GOD ARE WE NOT CHATTING RIGHT NOW?
Me: So you prefer to have me call you later then? I can't until this evening because I'm in the office.
OSP: I can chat whenever.

I quit.

You guys, it's over.

Yes, it is true. Wedding Bonanza 2012 has officially ended. Until December. What will I do with all of my free time?!? Wait, there is no such thing. I am booked up through November. This must be why people do drugs.

Back to wedding 5/5! This was the wedding of my friend Kyle, and his lovely now-wife Jamie. Kyle is a friend from my high school job and a few years ago his job brought him to San Diego. We've literally grown up together and he has always been one of my most favorite people in the world. I can't blame him for choosing the hottest day in the world to get married.

Apartment planners really need to reconsider AC placement.

We talk about sweat a lot on this blog, I know. But seriously in the 10 years I've lived in San Diego, I have never experienced temperatures above 100 degrees. There was no way to gracefully deal with it. As evidenced above. Luckily Justin's apartment has AC so I got to have my Marilyn moment. Dreams come true, you guys.

Was that tangent #2? Does it seem like I'm avoiding the topic at hand here? Maybe I am. Maybe because an ex-boyfriend (that I kind of have a strange history with. Not kind of. Totally.) was at this wedding and him and Justin immediately bonded. THE ENTIRE NIGHT. I literally had to shush Justin when the ceremony began. Omg you two can talk after, seriously calm down. I'll meet you two when you are done taking BFF pictures in the photobooth. No, it's fine you two hang out I'll just continue to deal with my awkwardness by drinking. All the drinks.

Yes, I was incredibly awkward about it. But you know what's really great? Justin wasn't, at all. And that is something that I cannot take for granted because a lesser man would've been a complete asshole about it or just as awkward as I was. Did I mention I was being awkward about it? And when they exchanged phone numbers and probably secret handshakes, all I could do was laugh. I'm pretty sure this is what being an adult is. Dealing with life's really strange moments gracefully. Or with whiskey.

My favorite moment of this wedding happened as I was dancing with one of the groomsmen, yet another hometown boy who is know a full-fledged hipster, the Brooklyn kind. This is probably one of my favorite conversations of all time.

him: Tiffany, DANCE!

me: *dances*

him: NO, not like that! Dance better.

There is no dancing better when you've been taking whiskey shots and are in 4-inch heels. There is only balancing.

And because this post isn't long enough, I'd also like to mention that in my hungover state on Sunday, Leeann and I met Christina! For brunch with bottomless mimosas! My first time meeting a blogger IRL was everything I hoped it would be and I've decided that if she lived in San Diego, we would be super friends. 

And now I'm going to crawl back in bed.

Fancy Fridays: Fall

As hot as it has been and as sweaty as I have been, I cannot wait to get myself in a giant sweater like the one pictured below. I would wear that thing every day of my life. If it were not still 900 degrees and HUMID outside, I would start now. Yes, it is still summer in San Diego. Isn't it always? Shut up. It's been awful for us spoiled people that are used to beautiful weather. AWFUL. And weather magic predictions show more awful coming our way. You want to do something fun today? Try to argue with me about climate change. Try. Science wins. And also kills us.

My fall lust list turned into a OMG I NEED THIS Christmas list of sorts. All I want for Christmas is everything druzy. Everything. Earrings, rings, necklaces. All the colors, all the druzy. My love for rocks has not dwindled over the years since I started collecting rocks as a child (or "nimrod" as my mom called me when I was going through my collection a few months ago because I won't let her get rid of it EVER).

And that perfume will be the last thing you want to smell ever. It is perfect. As is that hoodie. And that pullover. You know what, cancel Christmas I'm buying all of this now. BRB...

linking up with {av}

Oh, and if someone else mutters the phrase "Pumpkin Spice Latte" at me today I will wipe my sweat on them.

I'm a Man Who Discovered the Wheel

Hello Polka Dotted Cats Readers! I am Justin. Yes that Justin. For those of you who don't often frequent the PDC, I'm the boyfriend of the beautiful and talented blog owner. Also known as the goofy dude with the five-head who knows a good opportunity to suck up when he sees it.

Me, in my more glamorous single days.

So you may be asking yourself, why am I reading this and not my daily dose of Tiffany? Well, the other day she expressed some fatigue with keeping up with her posting regime this week. Although I suspect foul play courtesy of the devil cat - perhaps some slow poison or something in Tiff's breakfast each day to dull her wits so devil cat can escape - I figured I'd let it slide for now (I'm watching you, Jmeoww) and offered to do a guest post.

After pondering what I could write about that might possibly be of interested to all of you, it occurred to me that it would be difficult to offer up any observations or witticisms that would be well received if you, her dear readers, don't know much about me. With that in mind I decided to put together a brief write-up via the ten questions James Lipton asks his guests on Inside the Actors Studio. Which incidentally are based on the Proust Questionnaire, something I learned five minutes ago when I Wikipedia searched this in an effort to look intelligent.

Anyway, why something so random? Well, among other things, I'm a film geek. (Yes, there are different varieties.) That and it's a fairly easy way to break the ice while still coming across as relatively intellectual. Again with that. I swear I don't have a complex. Are you catching this musk though? That's the smell of desire. ...Ahem. Moving on.

1) What is your favorite word? - Sugar. Wait- beer. Hold on, is this about food? 

2) What is your least favorite word? - "Unfortunately" said slowly in a southern drawl. 

3) What turns you on? - Self-deprecating humor and a killer smile. 

4) What turns you off? - Ignorance, vegetables, and improper use of you're. 

5) What sound or noise do you love? - When Tiffany says "mmm-hmmm". She has this amazing way of sounding more sincere, enthusiastic, and freakin' adorable than anything I've ever heard. 

6) What sound or noise do you hate? - Jmeoww's battle-cries. Just kidding, baby! ...Crunching metal. Like a car crash twisting up metal sound. 

7) What is your favorite curse word? - Goddamnedmotherfucker. It's one word when I say it. 

8) What profession other than your own your own would you like to attempt? - Painter. Like the goatee sporting douche-bag artsy canvas painter (minus the goatee and douche-baggery), not the dude who paints houses. Ask Tiff about my breakfast brainstorm a few weeks ago. I'll be rich I tell you. RICH! 

The type of art I will create.

9) What profession would you not like to do under any circumstances? - Undertaker. Dead guy preparer, not wrestler, which despite my better half's secret love is pretty high up on the no list also. 

10) And lastly, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? - "Don't worry dude, you atheists are actually the only ones who make it up here."

And there you have it! Since I'll never be a famous actor on that show this is the closest I'll get to feeling as if I have an audience learning what my answers are. So thank you, James Lipton, for having me. And for developing your delicious tea. And thank you all, random acting student audience. It's been real. I feel like we all got to know each other really intimately.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be blasting off in my futuristic jetpack to return to my floating diamond mansion in the sky.

What? That's how they live, right?

The FACE.

I can't even tell you how many times I've heard the following phrases:

"Smile!" or something seemingly more clever to the person making the statement.

"Do you feel okay?" or some variation of that.

"Having a bad day?" which I would never answer yes to anyways so why are you asking STRANGER DANGER! 

To the above questions and many more, here is my perpetual answer:

"It's literally just my face."

Sometimes I try to get all lady gaga clever with statements of being born this way and how hard it is to live a life looking perpetually pissed off. But you know what? It isn't. If anything it's entertaining as hell because it always keeps people guessing. And also encourages them to mind their own business. It does, however, get me marked as "snotty" and yes "bitchy," which is only true sometimes. I just like to think that I have so much going on in this genius brain of mine that I don't have time to worry about having a phony smile pasted on my face at all times.

Source: blog.krisatomic.com via Tiffany on Pinterest 

Quite possibly my favorite example of THE FACE in action can be seen in the photos below. Because seriously, how could we not be happy in that moment? We were paying attention, thank you very much.

Intense listening faces.

I smile on command very well, as do my friends.

Right? So remember, next time you encounter someone that may not look pleased, they are happy on the inside. Or their dog died. Either way, it's probably best that you don't even ask and just move on with your day.

Not a wedding.

I feel like you come here on Mondays now expecting to read about a wedding. I'm very sorry to disappoint you this week. Come back next week, Wedding Fans.

This weekend we went to Disneyland! Why would we drive to Orange County to a crowded theme park in September during the one weekend where we could stay home and relax? Because I had free tickets. Free tickets which expired next weekend. So to Disneyland we went.

My most recent Disneyland trips have been with my niece and nephew, so it had been a while since I got to do all of the "big-kid" rides. Which I quickly learned, I am no longer comfortable with. Star Tours? I got dizzy. Space Mountain? Dizzy. Matterhorn? I'm still certain I slipped a disc. 

So after I schooled Justin in Buzz Lightyear's Astro-Blasters (A man who designs video games for a living, mind you), we headed to Downtown Disney for some food. AND BEER. Naturally.

I have decided that Disneyland is probably the #1 people watching spot in the entire world. Here are some of our observations:

• Fat kids in witty shirts. Now stop right there, it's not mean when they bring it upon themselves. One large child was wearing a shirt that said "I (heart) bacon." And the heart was made of overeasy eggs. COME ON. Another massive child was wearing a neon tye-dyed shirt stating "I'm with awesome" with an an arrow pointing up. They are simply asking for it.
• The amount of bratty little girls dressed like ghetto-ass princesses was enough to send my ovaries into permanent hiding. Some are cute. And some look quite deranged. My favorite child costume of the day was the little girl dressed like Maleficent. Because she's honest. And she probably won't grow up to be an entitled asshole.
• Bra-less foreigners.
• PIN PEOPLE. Oh my god, Justin was unfamiliar with the PIN PEOPLE and it was my favorite part of the day. Have you ever seen a large & seemingly tough tattooed man with a cherished Disneyland pin collection proudly displayed on his muscular chest? PIN PEOPLE are worth the price of admission.

And my favorite observation of the day:

• Girls who flirt with my boyfriend in front of my face. AKA complimenting his t-shirt. I get it, Dr. Who fans of the world. You are your own class of people (the ranks of which I will soon be joining). But I know, I KNOW what you are trying to do. I won't hesitate to cut a bitch.

He should be lucky I'm so protective. Ahem. That said, it was truly a lovely and magical day. And it made me genuinely happy that I have a man that will take these adventures and laugh along with me. And buy me souvenirs. Also, beer.

Fancy Fridays: Back to school. Booty school.

Things got weird with that title. See what happens when I try to make a Friday's Fancys theme relevant to my attempt at dieting? The main point here is that I am officially motivated to do something about the ever present and ever growing beer belly (and thighs, and buttocks). I am tall, but I am curvy. I am slender, but I jiggle. And not in a good Beyonce sort of way.

I've hit this weight before, about 5 years ago. But I was unknowingly in the throes of a deep depression and a very unhappy period in my life and had zero motivation to do something about it. Until some of my family members were like, "you know what..." and one of my friends husband asked if I got implants. Fine. I get it.

This time, I am motivated but busy and tired and insert excuse here. But it has to happen. IT HAS TO. Last time I did Weight Watchers and turned into a crazed fanatic. This time, I'm just going to not eat everything that is placed in front of me. And not drink every night of the week. Only two nights a week for alcohol. Okay maybe three. And special occasions. Like Columbus Day.

And I will exercise. And not in the streaming netflix fitness shows kind of way that always turns into a giggling dance party. Real exercise.

Also, VEGAS is happening very soon. Like 6 weeks soon. Like I want to fit in a skanky leather dress soon so goddamit Tiffany put down the cheese danish! I will fit in these dresses.

linking up with {av} for friday's fancies! 

And don't forget to enter my super awesome giveaway! Cheers to a more sober and less-fattening weekend!

Show your shark pride! Sunkissed Sisters giveaway.

Summer is officially over and I did not go to the beach once. I mean, I went to the beach bars but not once did my feet touch the sand or the Pacific Ocean. And I'm totally okay with that. I am not a beach girl, but I do love the ocean and the animals that live there. Which is probably why I stay out of the water.

Another fun fact about things I did not do this summer: I did not watch Shark Week. I can not do such a thing. No, I'm not afraid of sharks. I'm afraid of bad science and inaccurate information so I just don't watch. It's better for my blood pressure and for everyone around me.

Anyways, when my fellow animal-lover friend showed me this bracelet during one of our etsy spirals, I wanted it immediately. And you probably want one too. So here is your chance to win a gorgeous shark tooth wrap bracelet (black wrap & green gem) from SunKissed Sisters. These California girls create beautiful pieces inspired by the beach and nature, and this wrap would make a perfect addition to your arm party!

Sharks can have up to 30,000 teeth in their lifetime, because
broken/old teeth are immediately replaced with ones from the
back rows of teeth. You learn things on my blog, yes you do.

My number one rule of this contest: You have to promise me that you won't hate sharks. I realize that is not something that rafflecopter can moderate. However, sharks are really fucking cool and they face a multitude of problems in the ocean, all of them caused by humans. So pick up your trash, and eat sustainable seafood. Or don't eat seafood at all because it's disgusting.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wedding Whirlwind Part 4

You guys, guess what? We went to a wedding this weekend! Stop with the surprise. I get it. But yes, we did go to Wedding #4 of 5 for the summer. The end is in sight. I'm not sure my liver can handle another one.

This wedding was of a friend of my bestfriendcousin, Mandy, that I became friends with too. The couple, Angie & Travis, are two of the most genuinely sweet and happy people I've ever known. Seriously, so much smiling happened during the ceremony and it was adorable. No tears from me this time! That doesn't mean it wasn't lovely, it just means that I've been taking my meds properly.

We met up with my cousin and her husband before the wedding so that she could meet Justin. Yes, my bestfriendcousin had not yet met the man. So they had some bonding time over a few beers before we made our way to the wedding. I was especially glad to spend some time with her because she moved away from me earlier this year, so we don't get to spend much time together anymore. Which is quite unfortunate because when we get together, we do things like this:

As if the bronzed children weren't bad enough on their own.

One of my favorite parts of the night included our table company, Team Crossfit. Crossfit instructors and participants. Now we are not the most physically fit people you will meet. Again with the shocking statements. But after about 30 minutes the instructor had converted Justin to the darkside. Which he denied the next day. How quickly we forget.

So again, Sunday was recovery day and this time it took much longer for me to bounce back. Because I drank all the booze. Late Sunday morning when I woke up, Justin kindly commented on how I was snoring loudly all morning. False, I say. I don't snore, I say.

I thought you might say that, he says. Are you serious with that right now? Did you really video me snoring? Yes. He did. It amused the shit out of him. Luckily his blackberry from 1964 barely picked up any sound which means I was in fact NOT snoring. I was sleeping with my knees bent up though, which needs some further analysis. But point being, we amuse the shit out of each other. Which I am so fortunate for all of the time because who else would willingly attend 4 weddings in 8 weeks with a smile on their face and wear a shiny red cowboy hat? That guy right there.

"Anyone can be passionate. But it takes real
lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken

Linking up with the ladies of Weekend Update: Leeann, Sami & Dana.