another birthday? weeeeeee!

And today just so happens to be the birthday of my second blogger friend ever, and one of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to know — Shaymeoww.

Shay will change the way you see the world and yourself. She will make you reevaluate how you've been living and if you have been the best version of you that you can be. And I equally love and despise her for that because I tend to want to just pretend that I am good. But she makes me want to really be good — and for that I am forever grateful.

The most beautiful and charming soul I've ever met...Happy Birthday, my Shaymeoww! 

a birthday, weeeee!

And the first of two very special birthdays this week belongs to my NY ladylove and the very first of my blogger friends, LISSA. Imagine yourself yelling as you say that.

Why yes I did troll her entire blog to steal this.

This girl? Never fails to make me laugh, or entertain me when I desperately need entertaining. She is brave, supportive, and ridiculously witty. Sometimes so much more than me and it makes me want to slap that pretty face. FACE. You thought I was going to say something else, ya perv.

Although I clearly can't teleport to NY to celebrate, I will most likely be having some Coors Lights in her honor.

Happy Birthday LISSA!

friday thoughts.

Oh, hey there. Yes, this is me. That person who once regularly wrote stuff here. I think this is the longest I have unintentionally gone without posting a damn thing.

I don't know what it is. I've been mildly sick. Majorly bored and tested. And superiorly trying to get my shit together aka budgeting actual money and aka eating actual food and not m&m's with coke zero from the employee store. Neither of those things are realistically entertaining except when I tell Justin that I need to budget for happy hour and he tries to tell me that is the opposite of my life plan but then gives in because he knows I need me some happy hour. DO NOT TAKE AWAY MY HAPPY HOUR, LIFE PLAN.

I'll come back here, I will. With stories of jmeoww's cheese farts and our 2nd trip to the vet this month because once again she is smarter than we ever will be and impossible to drug.

Stories of how our dvr broke and I lost 14 episodes of My Cat From Hell and at least 6 crime dramas that we know are irreplaceable. Oh AND the episodes of SOA that I was hoarding so that once I caught up I would have them at my disposal, fo FREE. And possibly stories of how my mom suggested we go try on something that rhymes with "shedding fress" this weekend and how I immediately decided that I need to slip a flask in my purse for this occasion.

I sense many adventures with mom happening this weekend. Stay tuned.

the jmeoww diaries: v.11

Fans, today is a special day. My dear friend and Jmeoww Fan Club President, Ashley, has shared with us her amazing artistic talents for this edition of JMD. I cannot stop giggling. Enjoy!

It all started with her fucking collar.

It just disappeared. Yes, it was a safety release collar but how could it just disappear? We hypothesized the many fates that befell said collar.

• She threw it off the balcony during her nightly neighborhood watch shift.

• She shoved it down the garbage disposal because it totally was making a funny noise the other night.

• She left it at her boyfriend's house.
  
  

• And my favorite — she ate it. LISTEN. I never ever found her favorite pink fish kitten toy when we moved and I still believe that she ate it. So why wouldn't she eat a collar?!?

We half-ass looked for it a few times and continued to joke about until I had a panic attack that she was going to escape and not know her phone number. So I decided to really look and had another panic attack when I found it. The metal nametag was stuck in between two parts of my shoe rack. It was quite difficult for my human self to get the collar unstuck and then I had one of those Sookie Stackhouse moments in which I saw what happened to her as I touched the collar.

My poor precious angelmeoww had been STUCK by something around her NECK in a DARK closet! I wanted to cry. But I didn't. Because she was watching me remove the collar. Pissed because I was in her hiding spot, I thought. But then I pulled the collar out and holy shit. She looked at it and visibly trembled. Like it all came back to her in that one single moment of terror. MY POOR ANGELMEOWW. 

Now please note that my moments of extreme sympathy are few and far between with that one. Mostly because my ankles are consistently covered in blood and scratches. But this moment — not unlike the time I put a dragon hat on and made her puff up 3 times her size because she was so scared — this moment was heartbreaking. 

We left it on Justin's desk because that is where things go to die. That is also where she conducts her business so each time she was on the desk, she would sniff the collar and bat at it. I called this "immersion therapy" and assumed that she was ready to have it back on. So back on it went.

And then things changed. She stopped greeting me at the door when I got home from work. She wouldn't even come out when her boyfriend got home from work. She would meow from under the bed to let us know that she still existed, but she would not move. Even all of the shreddy cheese and treats in the world wouldn't get her to come out from under the bed.

When she did come out from under the bed she would not leave the room. Like would not cross that threshold. The PTSD she was experiencing was far too severe and we thought that she would never return to her old angelic-self ever again.

So Justin, being the softhearted slave to the jmeoww that he is, removed the collar. 

And then things changed, again. SHE WAS FREE, YOU GUYS! The trauma. The torture. IT WAS ALL OVER CAN WE PLAY NOW? How about now? Should we play now? CAN YOU AT LEAST SIT ON THE FLOOR BY ME? I've only had 6 treats, do you have any more? ARE THOSE MY TREATS?

I'm pretty sure Justin has been playing with her ever since. Her energy level? Unmatched by any cat I've experienced in my life. And we can't just give her toys to play with. WE are her toys. She requires us to interact with her. And by us I mean Justin because my ass is too busy watching Scandal and also she bullies me. She Has. Not. Stopped. since that fateful day Justin removed her collar.

She also somehow got the idea in her tinyass head that if she came in our bedroom at 6 am and stood next to the bed and consistently meowed, that we would know that it was time to play again and we would get up and play! AT 6 AM! Yes, we would get up and feed her. But she followed us back into the bedroom every damn time and meowed. And meowed. And meowed. And although it breaks my heart, she is now banned from the bedroom in the wee hours of the morning.

Will she ever wear a collar again? Unclear at this point. I'd like her to because, hello accessories! But until then, the burden and terror of those dark times in her life are gone and she finally can be herself again.

To see more of Ashley's work, visit her blog!

blogtember, day 9.

Personality test day, whoooo! This is a blogtember post I can do, yes it is. Although I wish it was one of those online quizzes that was like, "Which Mad Men character are you?" or "What kind of fashionista are you?!?"

Introvert. Not so obvious to others, but obvious to me. I am quiet, not bitchy, thank you.

Intuitive. Okay, I had to google this one. "Paying the most attention to the impressions or the meaning and patterns of the information I get. I would rather learn  by thinking a problem through than by hands-on experience." Kind of? I guess that is why I only scored 25%. There are definitely things that I prefer to get my hands on to learn and while we're at it get your minds out of the gutter.

Feeling. OBVIOUS. ALL THE FEELINGS ALL THE TIME. Refer to blog posts 1-1,000,000 for evidence of this.

Judging. "Like to have things settled and organized." Yes, yes, and more yes. I can't believe I only got 22% on this one, actually. Probably because I want to appear carefree and cool, but honestly. I usually have at least one to-do list going and in fact I have about 3 separate ones in the works for wedding planning. And although this made me giggle, I do understand the difference between "judging" and "judgmental. Because if it were the latter I would've gotten at least 104%.

Should we try to estimate how many of us score 65% and over on Introversion?

how not to plan a wedding v.2

I have a severe and unnerving addiction to The Wedding Blogs. All 9,000 million of them. And I know how bad they are for me but I cannot and will not stop looking. Because at one point I might find something that inspires me. Although this is rare.

Below are thoughts that have occurred whilst perusing 9,000 million wedding blogs:

• Your wedding is not an adjective. Your wedding is not RUSTIC. Vintage rustic. Elegant vintage. Classic elegance. DIY boho. Rustic cultural vintage hobo clown. WHIMSICAL SHARKNADO. 
• Mason jars have had their moment. Plenty of them, in fact. Stop with that.  
• But who cleans up all that confetti? 
• Those cowboy boots with your $7500 dress? Bitch we all know you've never been on a horse and this is your first time at a farm. So stop it.
• Do I need 18 bridesmaids?
• Stop standing in fields, casually. You're getting fucking married not tilling the land.
• I wonder if they would sponsor my wedding.
• Why is she in a canoe? SIT DOWN.
• SMILE. You are not Linda Evangelista for the love of baby jesus, smile in your wedding photos! 
• Why is he holding antlers?
• Chandeliers should probably not be in trees because that really seems like a fire hazard.
• THAT WAS MY IDEA.
• Do I rent the minihorse or was it just casually strolling in a nearby field and she grabbed it for photos?
• I really need to do more pushups.
• I could probably budget for that $6,000 dress.
• THAT WAS MY SONG.
• Haven't I seen this wedding 6 times already?
• Peonies? Unsurprising.
• Oh, I can totally make that.

That final bullet point? I've already had my first DIY fail. I suspect it will be the first of many. I'll tell you about it one day when I recover from wasting half of my whimsical, rustic kraft paper cards.

Now if you'll excuse me I have a full list of wedding blogs to catch up on before the weekend. I can't stop. And I won't stop. Cheers!

Wake me up when blogtember ends.

Although as I told Shay, this makes me crave xanax, here we are. As since I haven't been the most productive blogger in all the blogland lately, I can't really complain about having some writing prompts to kick my ass into gear.

Describe where or what you come from. The people, the places, and/or the factors that make up who you are.
I come from a modest upbringing. Meaning I learned very early on that things weren't just given to everyone. This might be the most important lesson I've ever learned. I have no sense of entitlement. I take pride in my work ethic. And I find it fair to myself to judge those that don't. I come from effort.

I come from a suburb that is west of Riverside and east of Los Angeles. It is not the nicest place in California, but it is far from the worst place in California. A safe place to raise a family without much trouble to get into. 

I come from love and sacrifice. Empathy and mildly tough lessons. I come from a family that is whole — made up of broken pieces, each with their own jagged edge trying desperately to fit together without making each other bleed. 

I come from learning and science and reason. I come from star stuff.