In 2013 I...

A year in review already? Yea, yea. I know. But I have decided to end this blogging year early with the hope that I will be completely blogging-refreshed in the new year. Basically, its my blog and I do what I want and you all love me anyways. And as I accidentally humblebragged to Michelle, I actually have some decent time off work this holiday season and I would like to enjoy it to its fullest! Working on those Federal holidays really paid off, Americans. TAKE NOTE.

Let's take a look back at the year that was 2013....

I did not meet my fitness goals. Hashtag proud. I started off so strong and then the commitment waned away as life's silly excuses got in the way. I did, however, make my best effort to eat better, drink less, and move more. That's really not too much to ask of myself. REALLY. So although my weight remains nearly the same as the beginning of the year, my ass is definitely firmer and my armpit fat is well on its way to being non-existent or less squishy by the time wedding dress time hits us.

I turned 30 and my family and friends threw me an amazing party. Which was followed by an amazing vacation up the central California coast. Which I ruined by blacking out via wine tasting.

My loverly friend got married which meant that we got to go to Vegas first. I tried to remove a temporary tattoo with a magic eraser. And yes, that was the most important lesson I learned from the trip. That, and that sometimes strippers will entrust your friends with their money. And shorts.

Jmeoww pooped herself and continued to be as jmeoww as she possibly could be throughout the year.

WE GOT ENGAGED.

And then I became a crazy wedding planning person that I said I never would be. I became grossly addicted to wedding blogs before performing a self-inflicted intervention. I peek every now and then. Hashtag relapse.

I became more of an adult than I have ever felt like. What does that even mean, oh wise Tiff Gee? It means that, with the help of my ever-wisdomous fiance, I set some boundaries in my life. Allowing the positive to shine, and removing or limiting any negative influences that affected me in that way that I hate. Yes, removing and limiting may have made me seem like a complete asshole. Self-centered. You name it. But along with setting these boundaries comes a level of self-respect and self-love that I didn't know I needed in my life. I have been more at peace. And I am happy.

signed, sealed, NOPE.

You guys. I have a confession to make. And because it is Friday the 13th and I feel like making up a superstition, I feel as though today is a day to be honest with you. Ready?

I hate Christmas cards.

I KNOW, right? What am I, the Grinch? Kind of, and totally maybe a little.

I love receiving Christmas cards, I really do. I DO. It is honest Friday the 13th, remember? I cannot tell a lie. And the fact that people think to mail me something and even some of you blog ladies take that extra step to send snail mail? Well that just warms my cold little heart.

I waffled on this, especially this year because of our engagement and upcoming wedding. My thought was we should be a real adult couple that does real adult things! We should really EARN those wedding gifts we will be receiving! So I forced Justin to take photos with me for these incredibly festive Christmas cards I was going to create. This is how they turned out:

Do you have any idea how nervous this makes me for wedding photos? Its like we can't NOT be assholes. I took that one nice photo and inserted it into some of the templates from popular online retailers. And then I threw up a little. Christmas card template people we are not. And if I had the patience and money I would've searched longer and harder (ahahaha) for the PERFECT template but as you know, (everyone at once) ain't nobody got time for that!

Also, because I feel like continuing my tirade, you can't put the pictures that you are going to put on your Christmas card on the social medias! THAT IS CHEATING! So basically, my Facebook family and friends have already seen these luscious photos of us. Why would I pay money to print them on a false-ass card and then go to the actual post office to do mailing things? Y'all have seen it!

So this is my confession, dear friends. Please don't take my lack of effort and enjoyment of all things Christmas cards to mean that I like you any less. It's not you, it's the actual fucking Christmas cards. HONEST.

This is the best I will do. Feel free to print it and hang it (Kelsey).

the uncommon gifts guide.

More presents? YES. I am sure you are getting the idea that I love stuff. STUFF. And buying things! For other people! Although I am not above spending the extra dough required to get free shipping on myself. So thanks for that, Forever 21.

If you come from a ginormous family as I do, you have a lot of buying to do. A LOT. And to people who say, "Just don't buy for each other then!" I say, "Are you not human?" Because guess what. If you don't buy you don't receive and although I wouldn't be mad if I didn't get anything in return...okay who am I kidding, I'd be pissed. My one rule for my sisters this year when I asked for their wish list was DO NOT ARBITRARILY CHOOSE ITEMS OF CLOTHING. We all have enough clothing. We could clothe an entire nation, if needed. I really wanted to go rogue on etsy and buy every and all of the things, but I behaved. Kind of. In addition to the family I was born into, there is also a Justin to shower in gifts. There are a handful of coworkers. Oh and also about 5 birthdays in the month of December. I have work to do.

Puss in Books Calendar - Cats in costumes with quotes from classic literature? Paired with a donation to a no-kill cat shelter, this is practically a perfect calendar for your lady workers or your crazy cat lady friends.

How Joyful Handlettered Calendar - Beautiful lettering and inspiring quotes. Her shop is closing TODAY for holiday travel so get your orders in quickly! (disclaimer: her shop closed yesterday. I wrote this and didn't publish in time because I got drunk baking things. so, new year's gifts instead?)

Bourbon Glasses - These are so impossibly cool and classic. If we had room in our cupboards I would've bought an entire set. For the gentlemens in your life that enjoy a good classic cocktail. 

Craft Beer Poster - We are lucky enough to live in one of the craft beer capitals OF THE UNIVERSE PROBABLY. Craft Beerd is a super cool vendor and if you happen to live in San Diego there are options that highlight all of our breweries and craft beer bars. SO RAD. Buy this for your beer loving brother.

Frostbeard Candles - Wasn't I just bitching about expensive candles? I WAS. But $15 and amazingly geeky? GIVE THEM ALL TO ME. Wait, I am supposed to give these to others...these would go to all of my Harry Potter loving friends. And LotR. And GoT. You know who you are!

The Shine Project State Charms - If you are a blogger and unfamiliar with The Shine/Threads project, you are doing it wrong. These bracelets are gorgeous and well-priced. I was lucky to see them in person at a boutique, but I didn't buy one because I was incredibly indecisive. And they are created by at-risk youth to help them raise money for college. They would be perfect for your sisters, cousins, or out of state besties.

Coralie Couture Gemstone Bracelets - THE DEAL OF THE SEASON. I bought a ton of these. She will customize your bracelets to your liking. And they are dainty and gorgeous. AND proceeds from her sales will go to purchase items for Toys for Tots. Perfectly sized stocking stuffers!

The Study of Change T-shirt (aka the Walter White head) - Why no, I am not over this show ending. I came across this shirt on Threadless and wanted to buy 10 of them. A seriously cool design. And if you are looking for other pop culture/geek/science/internet related t-shirts or posters, Threadless is your jam.

Los Pollos Hermanos apron - I DIED. This is just hilarious. I guess this would be for the Breaking Bad lover that has everything? Also, once you reach Think Geek, you will never leave. For the geeks in your life, TG is your one stop shop. 

I do have a ton of other favorites, but I actually purchased them and didn't want to give away any secrets. SECRETS. But really, I hope this helps with some of your Christmas shopping (if you are still shopping and if you haven't started you should just give up now). And if anyone wants to buy me a Shire candle I totally won't be mad.

guidance to giving.

If you follow me on twitter (wink, wink) then you already know this about me...I LOVE GIFT GUIDES. I have looked at approximately 67 and a half different gift guides and purchased approximately zero things from them. Online window browsing is my life. Guides for a girl. Girlie girl. Manly Man. Techie Man. Your Bestie. Your Coworker. YOUR MOM. You get the point.

But each of these amazing guides I've seen have one thing in common: EXPENSIVE ASS SHIT. Now listen, I absolutely love and adore the people I buy gifts for or else they would receive a pile of jmeoww's shit. However, I am a shopper on a budget, you know? Oh, you don't know? SEE YOU IN ANTHROPOLOGIE THEN. I'll be in the clearance section.

For those of us on a budget, we all know we are not going to buy the $80 candle or $120 mittens that I have seen on multiple lists (maybe I am exaggerating). Because who the hell wants those things anyways? Beyond the bougie folk, I mean. But if you want to send me an $80 candle I won't be mad.

Now to be fair, I did put a $24 candle on my wish list (not pictured because it looks like a candle) but it is from New Orleans and therefore exotic and not something I would purchase myself.

So what would a girl on a budget ask for? SO GLAD YOU ASKED. Because what kind of gift guide connoisseur wouldn't make one of her own?

Dayton blouse / Mossimo Supply Co. tall boots / Pendant necklace / Tartan plaid scarve / Sonia Kashuk makeup brush / Drinkware / Katy Perry Killer Queen Eau de Parfum / TOMS Metallic Silver Herringbone 

Yes, this is basically my pinterest board made into a remedial collage. But you get the point. And don't you dare judge me for my deep love of Katy Perry's perfume like my "friends" did in Ulta the other night. Granted, I did spray most of the bottle all over myself. I smelled like a goddamned queen.

But what about gifts for others, oh goddess of gift guides? How kind of you. And since you asked, check back on Monday for more guidance to giving!

the jmeoww diaries: v.12

Well, hello there! Long time, I know. We are beyond overdue for this edition of JMD and while the Queen Beast and I were brainstorming we came up with nothing! Nothing monumental, you see. She has become increasingly more lovable and cuddly. STOP THE PRESSES. Right? You see now why I have no blog content. However, she still has and always will have her evil tendencies. And her hilarious moments. So here are a few notable ones that occurred over the past few weeks:

The love of her life, Justin, bought her a house (so he could put away the plastic storage bin she had proclaimed her land). Her very own house aka the new base of attack operations. Shortly after the house purchase, I received a new purse in the mail that came in OMG A BOX. With tissue that made REALLY FUN TISSUE BALLS. Which means I won the house wars. Until I went out of town for a minute and Justin threw the precious box away. Like the devil himself.

HEAVENS.

Once she decided that said house was acceptable and totally not scary, she started sleeping on the cozy spot on top of it and my heart exploded into a million and one thousand pieces. Guys, when your cat has chased your naked ass through the living room trying to make you bleed, the quiet and sweet moments are much more meaningful.

We also sleep here. We sleep a lot.

She stole my cuddle spot. What the fuck are you even talking about, Tiffany? Okay, bear with me on this one. When we go to bed at night, I always curl up in the same spot on Justin. GROSS BARF, I KNOW. I will give you a minute to recover from our disgusting adorableness. One night as I was ipadding and pinning all of the things as usual, she jumped up on the bed like she always does for aggressive nighttime cuddles. Except she didn't come and stand all 15 pounds of herself on my delicate sternum like she always does. No. Instead, she went straight for the cuddle spot and stretched out all fucking proud. I WAS APPALLED. But also hysterically laughing because of her smug little expression. She laid there for about 4 total minutes (which is about 2 minutes longer than her normal cuddle sesh) and the entire time kept looking at me over her shoulder, like "SEE. SEE THIS?" Yes, animal. I see that you remain as the dominant being in our relationship.

She proved the Japanese wrong. And continues to do so. I can call her name from another room and she comes right to me and jumps up for some brief cuddles. Shit, she hears my car beep when I lock it and walk upstairs and she is at the door like a proud puppy ready to greet me. THEY CARE, JAPAN.

And like the stereotypical feline that she is when she thinks no one is looking, she has taken up her holiday residence underneath the Christmas tree. MY HEART. You guys, it is so fucking cute. Until we go to bed and hear the gentle rattle of ornaments and run out to catch her staring at the shiny balls on the floor like they are the most special treasure we have ever given her. The tree has been up for 5 days. She has knocked off 5 ornaments. And she is so happy about it. She just loves the tree we gave her.

Like a goddamned Christmas card.

I know. You try successfully photographing an all-black cat and report back to me. Better yet, those of you with an elf on the shelf — replace said elf with this photo and tell those damn kids that JMEOWW IS WATCHING.

That might be the best idea I've ever had. Look out, Christmas 2014. Jmeoww on a shelf, coming to a store near you!