I'm a Man Who Discovered the Wheel

Hello Polka Dotted Cats Readers! I am Justin. Yes that Justin. For those of you who don't often frequent the PDC, I'm the boyfriend of the beautiful and talented blog owner. Also known as the goofy dude with the five-head who knows a good opportunity to suck up when he sees it.

Me, in my more glamorous single days.

So you may be asking yourself, why am I reading this and not my daily dose of Tiffany? Well, the other day she expressed some fatigue with keeping up with her posting regime this week. Although I suspect foul play courtesy of the devil cat - perhaps some slow poison or something in Tiff's breakfast each day to dull her wits so devil cat can escape - I figured I'd let it slide for now (I'm watching you, Jmeoww) and offered to do a guest post.

After pondering what I could write about that might possibly be of interested to all of you, it occurred to me that it would be difficult to offer up any observations or witticisms that would be well received if you, her dear readers, don't know much about me. With that in mind I decided to put together a brief write-up via the ten questions James Lipton asks his guests on Inside the Actors Studio. Which incidentally are based on the Proust Questionnaire, something I learned five minutes ago when I Wikipedia searched this in an effort to look intelligent.

Anyway, why something so random? Well, among other things, I'm a film geek. (Yes, there are different varieties.) That and it's a fairly easy way to break the ice while still coming across as relatively intellectual. Again with that. I swear I don't have a complex. Are you catching this musk though? That's the smell of desire. ...Ahem. Moving on.

1) What is your favorite word? - Sugar. Wait- beer. Hold on, is this about food? 

2) What is your least favorite word? - "Unfortunately" said slowly in a southern drawl. 

3) What turns you on? - Self-deprecating humor and a killer smile. 

4) What turns you off? - Ignorance, vegetables, and improper use of you're. 

5) What sound or noise do you love? - When Tiffany says "mmm-hmmm". She has this amazing way of sounding more sincere, enthusiastic, and freakin' adorable than anything I've ever heard. 

6) What sound or noise do you hate? - Jmeoww's battle-cries. Just kidding, baby! ...Crunching metal. Like a car crash twisting up metal sound. 

7) What is your favorite curse word? - Goddamnedmotherfucker. It's one word when I say it. 

8) What profession other than your own your own would you like to attempt? - Painter. Like the goatee sporting douche-bag artsy canvas painter (minus the goatee and douche-baggery), not the dude who paints houses. Ask Tiff about my breakfast brainstorm a few weeks ago. I'll be rich I tell you. RICH! 

The type of art I will create.

9) What profession would you not like to do under any circumstances? - Undertaker. Dead guy preparer, not wrestler, which despite my better half's secret love is pretty high up on the no list also. 

10) And lastly, if heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates? - "Don't worry dude, you atheists are actually the only ones who make it up here."

And there you have it! Since I'll never be a famous actor on that show this is the closest I'll get to feeling as if I have an audience learning what my answers are. So thank you, James Lipton, for having me. And for developing your delicious tea. And thank you all, random acting student audience. It's been real. I feel like we all got to know each other really intimately.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'll just be blasting off in my futuristic jetpack to return to my floating diamond mansion in the sky.

What? That's how they live, right?