Meowpocalypse: The Link-up

Friends. Fans. Lovers. Today is a big day.

Today is the day we (Queen Jmeoww Consuela Gee and Tiff Gee) invite you to share YOUR stories with us. We have entertained you with our antics for nearly a year now and while therapeutic, we can only handle so much.

This is your chance to shine. Do you have a cat that is a complete terror? That pees itself or requires sedatives to visit the vet? Do you have a dog that eats trash, underwear, or other non-digestable items? Or a hedgehog that is just a complete asshole? Llamas are also welcome.

Next Thursday, May 2nd we will share our stories in one safe place. And all hold hands and remember that sometimes our pets are the boss of us whether we like it or not.


<center> <a href=" http://polkadottedcats.blogspot.com "><br /> <img src="http://i23.photobucket.com/albums/b364/starlette425/meowwpac_button.jpg" border="0/><br /> </a></center> *Open to pets of all kinds, EVEN BIRDS. Linkup will go live Thursday, May 2nd.*

Black is Beautiful.

So. Did you know it is "Adopt-a-Less-Adoptable Pet" week? Now just what does that mean?

What. In. The. Hell.

Now, I realize that for many reasons my beloved animal is less desirable than other animals but I would've never thought it was because of her fur color!

Okay, wait. Let's go back in time. When I was adopting Le Meoww from her tiny little feral litter, I wanted the fuzzy gray runt. But my bestie so kindly talked me into getting TWO UNDERAGE KITTENS. All I kept saying was I don't want a black cat. But I walked out of there with a fuzzy gray runt (moment of silence for the good doctor) and a feisty shiny black kitten. And then one of them pooped in the box and then the other one did and I wanted to throw them out the window.

After we lost the good doctor to murder tiny-meoww-illness, I took Miss J to the vet. They had asked me her details over the phone so when we arrived, the vet techs died from her cute and said, Awww she's not ugly at all for a black kitten! And like a defensive mother I was like, what the fuck are you bitches talking about? Don't you dare talk about my baby like that!

Maybe she had the crazy eyes...but I wouldn't call her ugly.

Anyways, I'm not sure if there was a real point to this post. Beyond the fact that this ad campaign sent me into a fit of giggles that spiraled for hours on end. Which is the opposite of what was supposed to happen.

ps - I just realized that maybe people don't want black cats because of bad luck. To that I say grow-up, magic-believers.

pps - If they would market the one-eyed cats as "Pirates," I'm sure they would have better luck.

ppps - I'm not completely heartless. I would adopt some of these in an instant if I could. Except for the olds because who wants one of those! (totally kidding...)

The JMEOWW diaries V.2

Justin has been in JMEOWW's life since she was just a tiny terror. In fact, the night we met they also met and I'm pretty sure that is when she fell in love. Once when he was leaving my apartment on not so good terms, he said goodbye to her and she laid down on his feet. Smooth move, J! Why didn't I think of that? Okay, maybe it crossed my mind once or twice.

Needless to say, she has been quite thrilled that he is around more and more now. Except for the part where he took her spot in the bed. You see, my beloved cat is a tiny bit territorial. She had her very own pillow that she slept on every night. It also happened to be my tempurpedic pillow but the comfort of my neck is not nearly important as hers. She would literally come to bed every night with me and get cozy on her pillow. If I stayed up a little later to read in bed, she would stretch her little paws out and tap me on the cheek which I took as a demand to shut off the light so she could get her beauty sleep. I wish I was kidding.

For the Motherland.

We initially tried locking her out of the bedroom but she protested quite loudly and kept me up half of the night. Justin suggested slowly moving the pillow to the end of the bed, and then eventually to the floor. In the animal training world this is known as "successive approximations" to "shape" her behavior. I know this shit. The next night I moved the pillow down the bed a foot or so. And she slept ON MY CHEST. No one puts JMEOWW on the floor. 

I photographed this failure to send to him, which led to one of my favorite conversations of all time:

me: She looks like Stalin in that picture.
him: She does.
me: I wonder if there's any relation.
him:....to?
me: STALIN. Both socipaths. Murderers. Russian. So much in common.
him: She's probably a marxist.
me: Most likely.

Over the course of the past few weeks she has gotten much better at sleeping like a normal animal either on the floor or between us in bed like a human child. There is the occasional night where she sits on Justin's chest and stares at him in order to assert her dominance. Or to seduce him. It's hard to tell the difference with her. 

She can't seem to keep her legs closed.

The JMEOWW Diaries V.1

This may have caused some of the behavioral issues.

World, meet the JMEOWW. Why yes, I did name my kitten after JWOWW. It was funny at the time. I have been paying for it ever since. 

You see, J (or The Meoww as she is also commonly referred to) isn't just any cat. She came from humble beginnings (meaning, feral) and lost her mother at too young of an age. She also lost her brother that I had chosen to raise as well. By "lost" I mean we think she murdered him. The loss of Doogie Meowser, M.D. will forever be one of the greatest mysteries in our lives. So needless to say, homegirl has some issues.

My decision to get a kitten was not made lightly. Especially since at the time I was single and I didn't want to hear everyone's shit about becoming a crazy cat lady. I NEVER intended to be one of "those people." But you guys, I so am. And it's not because of the cute things that she does. It's because if I don't talk about the havoc she causes in my life, the trauma, the injuries, I will hold it all inside and end up in therapy. She is the weirdest animal I've ever known. Do I love her dearly? Absolutely. Is she completely dominate over me to the point in which she knows I am sometimes afraid of her? Yes. Have I thought about giving her xanax? Several times. We are currently testing a pheromone calming collar and I'm not sure how well it's working. She's been slightly less vocal and a bit less violent. I'd like her to be at a level of ZERO VIOLENCE. So maybe more collars. And a hat. A tiny, calming hat. My point is, I will be telling stories of The Meoww here. They are often too hilarious not to share.

We should've seen the warning signs from a young age.

Aliases: J, The Meoww, JJ

DOB: August 28th, 2011
Place of Birth: An abandoned house in the rough streets of La Mesa, California
Relatives: Deceased (cause unknown...)
Likes: Fuzzy blankie, tempurpedic pillow, OCTOPUS! magnet, the taste of blood
Dislikes: You, the vaccuum, phones, rational thought
Hobbies: Meowing, chasing ankles, attacking the TV, hoarding trash

MINE! Trash and other various treasures under my bed.