piles

Fun fact: I am a Whovian. What's that you ask? A Doctor Who fan, duh. All thanks to my husband, Justin *NERD ALERT* Dazet. I dubbed him that this weekend after he spent nearly 5 hours building a Lego Millennium Falcon. What's that? I don't have time to get into it.

When we first starting dating, we decided that we would make each other watch each other's favorite TV shows. I realize there is probably a better way to write that sentence, but I can't be bothered with that right now. I believe our first show was one of his favorites, Battlestar Galactica; which don't even get me started on that show because I will cry so many tears at you and I still haven't even fully processed the finale. My first pick was Lost; please see previous sentence for my thoughts on THE BEST SHOW OF ALL TIME. There has also been Spaced (amaze) and many more that I can't currently recall. So we watch a lot of TV, but that is not the point.

I did not fall in love with Doctor Who immediately. It definitely took time, but once it hit me it hit me hard. We knew that this would not be a quick watch, even though we started at the "reboot." I also needed to take an approximately 6-month break after the loss of the 10th Doctor who will forever remained etched in my heart as one of the best characters on television, ever. We jumped into the 11th Doctor very quickly and like most rebounds, he just wasn't cutting it. So I took my time to mourn, and we watched House of Cards in the interim (TEAM CLAIRE).

I had read and been told about a particular episode many times, and last night we reached that episode. And it was everything I had read and been told. I cried so much that I had to diffuse essential oils to be able to breathe again. It was beautiful, just absolutely beautiful and it was exactly what I needed at this current point in my life.

I have been unsettled. Unsteady. I feel like I am in career purgatory and desperately need to make a change. I am feeling the weight of the negative energy that comes from numerous relationships in my life and am constantly battling to rise above it. My husband has been a champ at navigating through this time with me, as we both go through these phases of "what am I doing with my life and will it all matter?"

And then Vincent and the Doctor happened. And it was one of the most beautiful and honest and heartbreaking episodes of television I have ever witnessed. I will just leave you with two quotes from the episode, because I cannot convince you to watch Doctor Who.

Source

Via Society 6

This certainly does not fix any of the aforementioned challenges, but it certainly gave me a heavy dose of perspective on a life that I am lucky to have.

this one time...

This one time I started a blog that I couldn't be bothered to keep updated because of 900 equally unimportant reasons. What might those be? SO GLAD YOU ASKED.

This one time...

• I severely injured my shoulder/neck trying on a wedding dress. Shit is dangerous. The first place that I went to completely dresses you. The place I tried last weekend, not so much. Also, my thighs. This combination led to me contorting my body in unnatural ways because I AM A SIZE 10 OKAY. Which led to a night filled with muscle relaxers and much whining.

• A few weeks ago, I threw my bridal party an initiation party in which I fed them fancy cheese and gave them tons of wine. I also gave them a brochure about being in my bridal party so that when they ask me questions I can say PLEASE REFER TO YOUR PAMPHLET. 

Those flower girls? I might let them wear those dresses. They kill me dead.

• I became completely enamored with Veep and Battlestar Galactica. Season 3 of BSG is giving me all the feels. And to recover from said feels we watch Veep so I can laugh for 30 minutes straight.

• Eastbound and Down came back for one final season. Enough said.

• I realized I am marrying one of those "fall people." Also possibly a "lifestyle blogger." This all started on a sunny afternoon in Manhattan Beach in which he was served beer in a mason jar and flipped his balls over it. And then all the pumpkin flavored things. If he starts hasthtagging fall and talking about sweaters and boots, I will not speak to him until winter. Lucky for him I am the best of the best so I give into making all of the pumpkin flavored things because that is practically all that exists at Trader Joe's. You need some regular flavored crackers? TRY THESE PUMPKIN ONES INSTEAD. 

• At work today I said "nail colish polor" and realized that I may in fact be ill and that I should just go sleep for hours like my body is telling me to. I think that I may be ill because I have been depriving my body of all of the fattening and greasy and alcoholic goodness that it needs to survive. Why, you ask? See the first bullet point. 

• And finally, because what with this blog be without a story about a cat and also farting...last night as jmeoww was doing her nightly aggressive cuddles, Justin spooked her when he stood up because that is so scary. This led to her digging her claws into my chest which caused me to flinch and release a fart, audibly, that I had been holding on to for dear life because I would rather die of bloating than fart in front of Justin. Because he laughed for ten minutes while I hid under a blanket and laugh-cried.

Close enough to 900, yea? 

These things I've learned.

With my 30th birthday on the horizon (are you sick of hearing about it yet?), I've been thinking about posting something profound and hopefully quite wisdomous. Wisdomous is a word, trust. But I would feel like such an asshole spouting off wisdom that I don't even follow. And, I realized I don't like talking about myself THAT much. I like telling stories, but like a laundry list of Tiffany wisdoms? As amazing as that sounds, I'm already sick of hearing myself.

So I will leave it at this - I am going give you some cliff notes on things I have done/learned in my life that have shaped the 30 year old woman that I am. And a few things I need to work on, just to keep it fair-and-balanced, you know? Let's do this shit.

THINGS I HAVE DONE/LEARNED

• Daily drama & crisises, while entertaining, help no one. I have made a conscious effort to be more positive and stop bitching about every single little thing in my life. Am I 100% positive? Nope. But in the past 5 years I have gotten SO much better at looking at the bigger picture and not letting little details get to me.

• I will always be judgmental. I can't help it. And if you are going to wear 6-inch stilettos to work and then you can't walk in them you deserve my judgement. 

• If you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship, end it. It will be awkward and awful and you will feel like the worst person in the entire world. That will all pass. But you can't force happiness and fulfillment. You just can't. I ended a 5+ year relationship much to the shock of my family and friends and I have never regretted it and never looked back. Making yourself happy and complete will always be #1 in my book.
• Footnote: And if you should perhaps leave an unfulfilling and awful relationship, please read Eat, Pray, Love. GUYS IT REALLY HELPED ME. Learning to let go was the most important lesson of my life.

• Single ladies...LIVE ALONE. At some point in your life, ditch the roommates. Suffer financially. Decorate the shit out of your apartment. Eat dinner in you underwear. Sleep naked. Pass out drunk in your bathroom and cover up with the rug. No one will ever know. You will really discover who you are, who your friends are, and what is important to you.

• You will know when you find your other half. You will. If you can honestly not find one single thing wrong with a person, besides their shoes, then they are truly your perfect fit. And when you find that person, don't let them go. Fight your hardest fight. Have no shame. Because when it works, you will never regret the sobbing and mildly drunk phone call which sealed the deal and also solved the problem of the ugly shoes. It is so worth it, you guys.

• And speaking of having no shame, lighten the fuck up, you know? One of my favorite (probably made-up) words from a book is erleichda - and it literally means "lighten up." Laugh at yourself. Relax. But don't relax to the point of farting in front of your significant other. That shit is UNACCEPTABLE. 

• Not all cats are self-reliant. Some are special-needs. Really special-needs.

THINGS I STILL NEED TO WORK ON.

• Learning the difference between left and right.

• Saving money and sticking to a budget.

• Setting boundaries. BIG TIME. And then sticking to them. BIG TIME.

• Not getting caught up in other people's drama. Not my bid'ness.

• My fitness. I'm getting better at it, and I like it! I just really need to stick with it. Like, forever.

• Not loving beer so much. Or whiskey. 

• My television viewing choices. Or do I.

And now that I'm through this I still feel like a total asshole. Because who I am to tell you how to live your life? I didn't even have hair until I was four, so why should you listen to me? Because I am happy. I am turning 30 and I can honestly say that I am happy. And once I finally distinguish between left and right, I feel like I might really have a chance in this world.