These things I've learned.

With my 30th birthday on the horizon (are you sick of hearing about it yet?), I've been thinking about posting something profound and hopefully quite wisdomous. Wisdomous is a word, trust. But I would feel like such an asshole spouting off wisdom that I don't even follow. And, I realized I don't like talking about myself THAT much. I like telling stories, but like a laundry list of Tiffany wisdoms? As amazing as that sounds, I'm already sick of hearing myself.

So I will leave it at this - I am going give you some cliff notes on things I have done/learned in my life that have shaped the 30 year old woman that I am. And a few things I need to work on, just to keep it fair-and-balanced, you know? Let's do this shit.

THINGS I HAVE DONE/LEARNED

• Daily drama & crisises, while entertaining, help no one. I have made a conscious effort to be more positive and stop bitching about every single little thing in my life. Am I 100% positive? Nope. But in the past 5 years I have gotten SO much better at looking at the bigger picture and not letting little details get to me.

• I will always be judgmental. I can't help it. And if you are going to wear 6-inch stilettos to work and then you can't walk in them you deserve my judgement. 

• If you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship, end it. It will be awkward and awful and you will feel like the worst person in the entire world. That will all pass. But you can't force happiness and fulfillment. You just can't. I ended a 5+ year relationship much to the shock of my family and friends and I have never regretted it and never looked back. Making yourself happy and complete will always be #1 in my book.
• Footnote: And if you should perhaps leave an unfulfilling and awful relationship, please read Eat, Pray, Love. GUYS IT REALLY HELPED ME. Learning to let go was the most important lesson of my life.

• Single ladies...LIVE ALONE. At some point in your life, ditch the roommates. Suffer financially. Decorate the shit out of your apartment. Eat dinner in you underwear. Sleep naked. Pass out drunk in your bathroom and cover up with the rug. No one will ever know. You will really discover who you are, who your friends are, and what is important to you.

• You will know when you find your other half. You will. If you can honestly not find one single thing wrong with a person, besides their shoes, then they are truly your perfect fit. And when you find that person, don't let them go. Fight your hardest fight. Have no shame. Because when it works, you will never regret the sobbing and mildly drunk phone call which sealed the deal and also solved the problem of the ugly shoes. It is so worth it, you guys.

• And speaking of having no shame, lighten the fuck up, you know? One of my favorite (probably made-up) words from a book is erleichda - and it literally means "lighten up." Laugh at yourself. Relax. But don't relax to the point of farting in front of your significant other. That shit is UNACCEPTABLE. 

• Not all cats are self-reliant. Some are special-needs. Really special-needs.

THINGS I STILL NEED TO WORK ON.

• Learning the difference between left and right.

• Saving money and sticking to a budget.

• Setting boundaries. BIG TIME. And then sticking to them. BIG TIME.

• Not getting caught up in other people's drama. Not my bid'ness.

• My fitness. I'm getting better at it, and I like it! I just really need to stick with it. Like, forever.

• Not loving beer so much. Or whiskey. 

• My television viewing choices. Or do I.

And now that I'm through this I still feel like a total asshole. Because who I am to tell you how to live your life? I didn't even have hair until I was four, so why should you listen to me? Because I am happy. I am turning 30 and I can honestly say that I am happy. And once I finally distinguish between left and right, I feel like I might really have a chance in this world.