mental health awareness month, #3

Dear Every Day In May - I did today already. Here. That isn't cheating, it is multipurposing, which I also didn't learn in school. Or maybe I did.

Either way, I don't want us all to forget about Mental Health Awareness Month, so let's talk about how I am crazy a little bit more. This will probably be the last in this series, only because I really like all of the EDIM prompts for next week. It is my sincere hope that these posts helped someone, if only me for the relief I felt writing them.

So you've realized you have a mental health problem...what next?

1. Visit a doctor. Even your primary care physician. They will send you to a psychiatrist if necessary. I started with primary care and I wish that 10 years ago they sent me directly to psych. I have to talk to a psychiatrist now, in order to stay on my prescriptions. Side note: Be honest with your doctors. If your pills aren't working, don't be afraid to tell them. If your pills are causing near-menopausal night sweats, tell them.
2. Talk to someone. I tried therapy and failed miserably. Why? I hate talking about myself, especially to a stranger who seemed less than interested. I took personal offense to her demeanor. Which is not how any of that is supposed to work. Now, Justin makes me talk about it. About what is bothering me or why I get stressed or anxious. He has also gotten really good at identifying triggers for me. So, although I hate every bit of it, it is the healthy thing to do.
3. TAKE YOUR PILLS. Seriously. And if you decide you don't want to take them anymore, consult your doctor.
4. Identify your triggers. I feed off others' negativity like a fat kid feeds on cake. Sometimes reading about mental illness make the anxiety start welling up. And while I like being busy, I can easily cross the line between happily busy and anxiously frenzied. These are things I'm still learning.
5. Find your happy place. Or things that make you calm. Music, baths, and wine are all obviously very comforting things. Focus on your breathing. Exercise. Turn your phone off. On really bad days I like to lay in bed under the covers in the dark. With a fan on. 
6. Be inspired. I will Eat, Pray, Love for the rest of my life and I am not even kidding. That book brought me so much inspiration and peace. It really did. I also subscribe to The Daily Love and follow Tiny Buddha on Facebook. This all sounds so cheesey and kumbaya-ish but it is what helps me stay centered. Find your center, whatever it may be.

These things aren't always easy to do, but you have to. Once you make the decision to take care of yourself, you have to do it right. Mental Health care isn't something you can half ass. You can't just take your pills every now and then when you feel like it. You can't purposely engage in behaviors that you know are bad for you. And you have every right to disengage from things that are bad for you as well. I will always be working on these things. It's a part of me that requires extra care and always will.

Mental Health Awareness Month, #2

Thank you for all of your support last week. The easiest way to support this cause is to spread the word. So like, really easy.

My mental health journey began at age 20. I was a full time biology student (see: hours upon hours of labs plus corresponding lectures) and I was working two part-time jobs. I was tired. I was stressed. I was emotional. All of the things you would expect.

There were also days that were frozen. I couldn't move out of my bed. I would wake up and know that I had to go somewhere or do something, and I just couldn't. You just can't. Insert missed classes and the beginning of numerous sick calls to work.

The bed was one place. My other place? My car. I would drive home from school and not leave my car. I would sit in my driveway and call my BFF and she'd be all, oh are you in the car again? Yup. And then she would talk to me until I was able to leave my car. Because she was my BFF and she did stuff like that. There were the typical signs — I stopped going out with friends, my appetite disappeared — but the one thing that has always stuck with me was that whole car situation. I mean, what in the ever-living-fuck. Couldn't I have gotten stuck somewhere exciting like in a park, or poolside? No, I had to spend many anxiety ridden hours in a goddamned Pontiac Sunfire.

The moment that made me go full Bynes had to do with a boy. How disgustingly cliché is that? And then I nearly stopped eating all together and decided that I should go get some medication. Even though I really liked wearing my little sisters' clothing.

I was the first of my family members to take anti-depressants. And they are incredibly lucky I love them still because the level of support I received was somewhere between 1 and 0. Why are YOU stressed? You don't need THOSE pills. You are fine. Not so much, family. Not so much at all.

Now? Now they understand. And now we probably qualify for some sort of discount because we are single-handedly keeping the anti-depressant companies in business.

So my story doesn't begin with a bang. It was a mild meltdown process and I am forever grateful that I took steps to get help before it had a chance to get worse.

Start the conversation.

We interrupt this regularly scheduled BLOG EVERY DAY IN MAY because I was recently made aware that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. The fact that I was not aware, and that you probably weren't either, that is the problem.

We don't talk about it. We don't talk about it because we don't want to be judged, and because we fear you won't understand. We don't talk about it because you "don't need those pills" or because you too are having "anxiety." We don't talk about it because it triggers feelings — feelings that we work hard to escape.

According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, 1 in four adults experience mental illness in a given year. That means someone you know, whether you recognize it or not, has or is currently experiencing mental illness.

Some of my experience with depression and anxiety has been chronicled here. Mild compared to other stories I've read and people I know, it is still a part of me. And I owe an abundance of gratitude to those that showed me that #1 We can talk about these things and #2 We can laugh about it afterwards.

Throughout this month, I plan to share my stories. The posts below are ones I've collected over the years that have resonated with me deeply. They are my reminders that I am never alone.

Adventures in Depression

Tightrope Walker

On Depression & Getting Help

Or a Declaration

I'm Taking a Sad Day

The Hard Things

80 new beds, 80 more lives

So, let's talk about it. Share your experiences, or talk to a friend in need. It's time.