We went to vegas and came back unmarried (barely) V.2

I have returned from Las Vegas unscathed although mildly brain-damaged. It may be time for an alcohol break, methinks.

While you will not get the details of the Bachelor/ette party we attended, I will share some things that I learned this trip. Because, Vegas. It gets you.

• Do not, under any circumstances shout "Make me a drink, BITCH" to your friends if there is a cocktail waitress in your vicinity. It won't end well.
• When trying to gain the attention of a group of men, shouting "HEY WHITE PEOPLE" usually helps.
• The restroom at Mix in Mandalay Bay is what Vegas is all about. Peeing with a view of the strip from the highest floor of THEHotel is what Vegas means to me.
• Don't try to help the drunk douchey guys by telling them there is a free tram because THEY LITERALLY DON'T WALK ANYWHERE.
• The cab drivers usually don't want to be your friend, no matter how hard you try.
• Do not try to remove temporary tattoos with a magic eraser. You will probably get a chemical burn.
• Consistently reassure your friends, "I won't blog about this, I swear."
• Do the thing you are supposed to do with the bride to-be, even if it horrifies you. For more information, visit this post.

This pretty much sums up that last bullet point.

A Magical Night

Last night, at 12:01 to be exact, I had the privilege to view one of the greatest cinematic masterpieces since Titanic with a group of seven classy, sober ladies.* I apologize if you're unfamiliar with this film, and I hope this review doesn't bore you.

Magic Mike is about young men trying to find their way in life. Oh who the hell are we kidding? Magic Mike is about MALE STRIPPERS. And the point of the entire movie is the stripping. And gyrating. And asses. So many asses. Does anything else matter? Full disclosure, I've been to a male stripper performance once (okay fine, twice) in my life and it makes me seriously uncomfortable. Am I the only one who doesn't like sweaty man parts thrusted in my face? Shut up, all of you.

My true love ladyboner was for Joe Manganiello (for the love of god, google him). Also known as Alcide on True Blood. Also known as a national treasure. Unfortunately he was only a supporting character. But still supported my ladyboner. There were some other men in the movie too.

I went into this movie lukewarm about Channing Tatum and Matthew Mcconaughey. Not impressed, ever. I left the movie with a little spark in my pants heart for both of them. Channing Tatum can real life dance. While his character doesn't have much depth (see above, depth not required), he plays him well and is very charming. And dear god, he makes sweatpants look gooood. Matthew Mcconaughey. I never felt the love. However. Because the character he plays in this movie is the closest thing to what he is probably like in real life, he won me over. Narcissistic, sweaty, bongo-drum-playing, assless-pants-wearing, sweaty, and flame throwing. I suspect they didn't even give him a script. "Hey, Matthew! Want to be in this movie? No, no acting. Just do you. Bring your own clothes." PERFECT. Nailed it.

If you take Magic Mike for what it's worth, you will have a hell of a time. We giggled a lot. We blushed a lot. Also, male strippers.

*False. Far from classy. Farther from sober. I'm also not sure if Titanic is considered a cinematic masterpiece. Doubt it.