Well, hello there! Long time, I know. We are beyond overdue for this edition of JMD and while the Queen Beast and I were brainstorming we came up with nothing! Nothing monumental, you see. She has become increasingly more lovable and cuddly. STOP THE PRESSES. Right? You see now why I have no blog content. However, she still has and always will have her evil tendencies. And her hilarious moments. So here are a few notable ones that occurred over the past few weeks:
The love of her life, Justin, bought her a house (so he could put away the plastic storage bin she had proclaimed her land). Her very own house aka the new base of attack operations. Shortly after the house purchase, I received a new purse in the mail that came in OMG A BOX. With tissue that made REALLY FUN TISSUE BALLS. Which means I won the house wars. Until I went out of town for a minute and Justin threw the precious box away. Like the devil himself.
 |
| HEAVENS. |
Once she decided that said house was acceptable and totally not scary, she started sleeping on the cozy spot on top of it and my heart exploded into a million and one thousand pieces. Guys, when your cat has chased your naked ass through the living room trying to make you bleed, the quiet and sweet moments are much more meaningful.
 |
| We also sleep here. We sleep a lot. |
She stole my cuddle spot.
What the fuck are you even talking about, Tiffany? Okay, bear with me on this one. When we go to bed at night, I always curl up in the same spot on Justin. GROSS BARF, I KNOW. I will give you a minute to recover from our disgusting adorableness. One night as I was ipadding and pinning all of the things as usual, she jumped up on the bed like she always does for aggressive nighttime cuddles. Except she didn't come and stand all 15 pounds of herself on my delicate sternum like she always does. No. Instead, she went straight for the cuddle spot and stretched out all fucking proud. I WAS APPALLED. But also hysterically laughing because of her smug little expression. She laid there for about 4 total minutes (which is about 2 minutes longer than her normal cuddle sesh) and the entire time kept looking at me over her shoulder, like "SEE. SEE THIS?" Yes, animal. I see that you remain as the dominant being in our relationship.
She proved the Japanese wrong. And continues to do so. I can call her name from another room and she comes right to me and jumps up for some brief cuddles. Shit, she hears my car beep when I lock it and walk upstairs and she is at the door like a proud puppy ready to greet me. THEY CARE, JAPAN.
And like the stereotypical feline that she is when she thinks no one is looking, she has taken up her holiday residence underneath the Christmas tree. MY HEART. You guys, it is so fucking cute. Until we go to bed and hear the gentle rattle of ornaments and run out to catch her staring at the shiny balls on the floor like they are the most special treasure we have ever given her. The tree has been up for 5 days. She has knocked off 5 ornaments. And she is so happy about it. She just loves the tree we gave her.
 |
| Like a goddamned Christmas card. |
I know. You try successfully photographing an all-black cat and report back to me. Better yet, those of you with an elf on the shelf — replace said elf with this photo and tell those damn kids that JMEOWW IS WATCHING.
That might be the best idea I've ever had. Look out, Christmas 2014. Jmeoww on a shelf, coming to a store near you!
I'm with Michelle - never leave again!
ReplyDeleteI love when you send Jmeoww snaps…she's so sassy. AND I HEAR YOU on trying to take pictures of an all black cat. Tino turns into a faceless blob.
Where can I pre-order Jmeoww on a shelf?
you were gone WAY TOO LONG. i have a hilarious cat gif that i was going to post but forgot...i'll update just for you.
ReplyDelete-kathy
Vodka and Soda
YOU'RE BAAAAAACK
ReplyDeleteI guess it's my turn to come back next? Nah.
Jmeoww on the shelf would be at the top of my Christmas list if it were a real thing. I mean that. OPEN AN ETSY SHOP OR SOMETHING, YA DINK!
SHE CARES JAPAN!! Killed me. I love that cat. I love your stories about her. But that Christmas card take the cake.
ReplyDeleteOn a totally seperate note, you make my life when you send me Tom Hiddleston pins.
I don't know what cats they studied, but they clearly studied the wrong ones. My cat ALWAYS greets us at the door when we come home, and last night he spent the entire night forcing himself onto my lap no matter what position I was sitting in. So those Japanese can just take their "study" and shove it.
ReplyDeleteI hope you actually print and mail that Christmas card.
Also, I missed you!
Aw, kitties and Christmas trees - a match made in heaven.
ReplyDeleteJMeoww to replace ALL the creeper ahole Elves on shelves!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteYay! Love the new blog look! Oh, boxes. They work for kids and kittens. That's why I currently have six Amazon boxes of various sizes all over the playroom, with bites taken out because of Sally. Also, our cats aren't cute under the tree. They knock down the mini one twice a day, they chewed the lights and broke half of the string, they've removed at least 20 ornaments so far, and broke 3. JMeoww is mellowing. And you know what, Japan? I like that my pets aren't up in my face, drooling, panting, and needing walks all day long. I prefer that they don't care. (I'm glad JMeoww does though).
ReplyDeletethat 'christmas card' is frightening. also i like the new look ... a lot.
ReplyDeleteI would buy JMeoww on a shelf!!! I was confused by her being good, but then we got to where she stole your spot, and it suddenly made a lot of sense. She's still JMeoww inside this deceptive exterior.
ReplyDeleteone- you changed your page!! 2- don't you love whn the cat will do something and then look at you all smug-like as if to mock you? spade does it all the time to me!! little brat!! 3- would JMeow on the shelf be self- interactive? or would we have to position her like the real elf?
ReplyDelete