the vacation, part 2: solvang and the time I ruined vacation.

Our next and final destination would be Solvang, but of course we made some tourist stops along the way. If you'd like to skip past the touristy stuff to the shitshow, please scroll down. I won't be offended.

Harmony — Please tell me you read/said that in your Anna Faris voice. With a population of 18, this town is a treasure.

Cayucos — A totally foggy and quiet beach city most famous for their brown butter cookies.

San Luis Obispo  — We made a quick stop for lunch and a tour of the one place I've wanted to stop more than any other my entire life, The Madonna Inn. I didn't take many pictures because I was too busy being mystified. You know who has some great pictures? Michelle. Go look.

Los Alamos — Another small town, surprise! Our drive for the day was rather short so we decided to start stopping at wineries. You know, being in wine country and all. Seriously, everything north of Los Angeles is wine country. Also known as heaven. Yelp led the way to Bedford Winery, a darling little place in a Nicholas Sparksian town. Somewhere between there and Solvang was Firestone Vineyards, the second and last stop of the day that set me over the edge. WHAT AN AMATEUR. I should've taken this as a sign...

And finally, we reached Solvang! If you live in California and you haven't been to this little jewel of a town, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. Michelle happens to have a great post about it too (sorry for being such a stealer!). This Danish little town was a childhood staple, and although everything closes early (8-9 p.m.), it has so much to offer during the day.

Hotel — Kronborg Inn. We were both a little worried what this place would be like because the rate was relatively low for the area, but the room was amazing. Totally roomy, and best of all it had a jacuzzi tub! You bet your ass I drank some of our new wine in that tub the first night.

Foods —  Breakfast is the shit in this town. Danish pancakes and ebelskivers will change your life. We went to Paula's Pancake House (to die for) & The Red Viking (not bad, but smelled terrible). The first night we had dinner at Solvang Brewing Company and while the beer was marvelous, the food was meh. The second night, we didn't really have dinner...we will get there...

Attractions — Beyond bopping around town to the shops, some short drives will take you to amazing scenery and roadside attractions — Ostrichland USA (only slightly terrifying), Quicksilver Ranch (mini horses!), and the former home of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch (which I INSISTED we drive by even though it is way out in the boonies and you can't see a damn thing).

And then, WINE. So. Rather than take a bus tour of wineries, we opted for a DIY wine tour. Which Solvang could not be more perfect for. Many of the local vineyards have their wine tasting rooms in town...IN TOWN. Walking distance from our hotel. SO EASY, right? Right. Rigggggght.

Here is what went down:
Blackjack Ranch Vineyards (made famous by Sideways! Omg enough ...). But really, you can taste the price. Divine.
Presidio Winery where the wine-pourer gave us extra tastes because he loved Justin.
Sort This Out Cellars was my favorite not only because I can remember it, but also because it was a had a really unique rockabilly/vintage flair.
Carvintas won my heart because they combine wine with animal philanthropy.

And then it starts getting blurry. We remembered that we hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, so we went to the other edge of town and had quesadillas. Quesadillas and also beer. Then we stumbled into Viking Garden Cellars because I had a coup for a free cheese tray and I really wanted cheese. I couldn't even tell you what we tasted. Wine. More wine. And then I wanted another beer, so let's taste some of these beers!

Along the way to the what would be our last stop, we went into the Hans Christian Andersen Museum. Which was a library/museum/drunk people don't belong in here type of place. And because Solvang is basically a memorial to HCA, I sang the HCA song (which I mostly made up...) all throughout town, naturally.

The Good Life was our last stop and I remember choosing beer tasting over wine. I remember telling the guy not to serve me San Diego beers because I would not be impressed, like a total asshole. And I remember asking if the were on twitter SO I COULD TWEET THEM BECAUSE I TWEET AND BLOG. Oh my god. I did all of these things in public.

What I don't remember is how I got back to the hotel, took my clothes off, sang Hans Christian Andersen and then proceeded to regurgitate all of the liquids I had been drinking for the past 5 hours. What I do remember is Justin sitting on the bathroom floor next to me trying to get my head out of the toilet, which I refused to do. Because I was too busy sobbing. Not weeping. SOBBING. And apologizing for ruining vacation. And telling him not to break up with me OH MY GOD YOU ARE GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME AREN'T YOU. In between dry-heaving and wiping tears and snot from my face I was wailing about how I was awful and I ruined vacation.

I don't remember what Justin was doing, but I do remember that he laughed. A lot. And then he put me to bed. At 6 p.m. on the last night of our vacation. So I technically didn't ruin vacation, but Justin has reminded me of how I thought I ruined vacation more than his fair share of times. I GET IT. Next time, there will be more cheese with the wine and this won't even happen.

After a quick stop in LA to visit his brother and sister-in-law, we finally made it home (to the jmeoww, who has her own vacation story to tell...) totally refreshed and only mildly hungover. With the exception of the Tiffany Wine Show on our last night, it was truly a wonderful trip and an excellent way to start my third decade.

the vacation, part one: monterey, highway 1 & cambria.

The morning after that fabulous party that was held in my honor, we left for a fabulous vacation. Not as smoothly as that sounds, of course. Someone forgot to set the time back for daylight savings on the alarm clock and someone else was incredibly hungover and could barely put on sweatpants. And someone else was in full panic mode because we brought home REALLY SCARY BALLOONS from the party and she wouldn't leave the bedroom even after Justin popped them. It was quite the morning.

The 7.5 hour drive up to Monterey was largely uneventful. How did you not kill each other?!? Well, we enjoy each other's company, SURPRISING I KNOW. Even when I am pointing out everything on the side of the road like a goddamned tour guide and jabbering on about the gorgeous blooming cherry trees.

We did realize as we were deep in farmland CA that I either a.) can't read or b.) can't see. Or both. As we passed a sign that said FRESH FRUIT: PIES & FUDGE (which are not even fruit by the way so what the fuck), I proclaimed, "FIGS? Who the fuck would stop for figs?" And then later when we passed a sign for Lightfighter Road my blindass yelled, "Who the hell would fight a lamp?" Which led Justin to believe that I caused considerable brain damage at my party the night before.

And this is where I give you the Monterey summary, as to avoid this becoming a novel about my vacation.

Hotel — Best Western Plus Beach Resort. Right on the sand and totally relaxing. The dinner we had there was one of my favorites of the trip (which included the World's best artichokes from Castroville, CA!).

Attractions — Lover's Point Park & Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Foods — Old Monterey Cafe (fantastic!) and Cannery Row Brewing Co. (not bad, but a total twatty bartender).

And then we were on our merry way to Cambria, which required a drive down Route 1 (aka the coast highway). I knew it would be beautiful, and oh it so was. What I wasn't prepared for was how damn treacherous it was. Justin was in heaven. I was sweating, swearing, and clutching the door handle for dear life, like it would actually save my life should we go over the edge.

The thing is, if I don't understand how it was built, I do not like it. Who built these roads, and how? The bridges? DOES NOT COMPUTE. But it was truly amazing and I even spotted some whales (well at least their blow — shut up that is the proper term for it, not spout).

After two hours of sheer terror we reached Cambria — the sleepiest town on the west coast (seriously, everything closes at 8 p.m.).

Hotel — Mariner's Inn. Newly renovated and a perfect beachy, rustic room. They also gave us a bottle of wine when we checked in, which is totally the way to my heart.

Attractions — Moonstone Beach, Fermentations (for wine-tasting), one million antique stores (which I developed an irrational fear of) and Cambria Beer Co. The beer tasting was by far one of the highlights of the town. We met a "regular" and exchanged life stories, and we met the "mayor" who is not a real mayor because they are not incorporated so she became mayor by winning fundraisers. My new goal is to move there and claim mayorhood.

Foods — JBJ's Round-up Pizza & Grub (the only thing that was open when we arrived...but a great birthday meal!), Linn's Restaurant (a Cambria staple) and Cambria Pub & Steakhouse.

Although a quiet town with not much to do other than walk along the beach and browse the local shops, we loved it. I loved it as a child and I love it even more now. It has always been a special place to me and I can definitely see us returning many, many times and then properly fitting in with all of the adorable gray-hairs that were vacationing along with us.

Stay tuned for the vacation, part 2: the time I ruined vacation. Shit gets real.

Is it vacation yet?

Birthdays! Vacations! Is there anything else spectacular for me to talk about this week? Should we share opinions on the papal conclave?

Nahhh. Let's plan my vacation, yea? 

So the day after my birthday party, which was probably poor planning, we are embarking on a road trip up the California coast. Which is also poor planning because I yell at Justin when he drives, even though he does absolutely nothing wrong.

We are driving straight up to Monterey (so I can go to the aquarium, which I have never been which is blasphemy according to my marine biology degree), and then working our way back down throughout the week. As a psychotic planner, I have naturally googled every possible thing to do along the way which includes wine, wine, and more wine. I do not object.

What I'm most excited about so far is Ostrichland USA. Why? OBVIOUSLY they are my other soul animal. Even though you hate birds, Tiffany? Yes, because they are not birds they are dinosaurs. Obviously.

You know what other kind of amazing animal farm exists in this region? MINIATURE HORSES. And I might just buy one and get it a tiny saddle so that jmeoww can ride it around our apartment. Obviously.

And then my search stopped there because I spiraled into searching for tiny cowboy hats. So, I ask for advice. Besides these three amazing and animal-centered activities, and also wine, what else should we see along our Central California Coast journey? Some of you have already given me fantastic recommendations, and for that I praise you. Is there anything else that we absolutely cannot miss on this journey?