the vacation, part one: monterey, highway 1 & cambria.

The morning after that fabulous party that was held in my honor, we left for a fabulous vacation. Not as smoothly as that sounds, of course. Someone forgot to set the time back for daylight savings on the alarm clock and someone else was incredibly hungover and could barely put on sweatpants. And someone else was in full panic mode because we brought home REALLY SCARY BALLOONS from the party and she wouldn't leave the bedroom even after Justin popped them. It was quite the morning.

The 7.5 hour drive up to Monterey was largely uneventful. How did you not kill each other?!? Well, we enjoy each other's company, SURPRISING I KNOW. Even when I am pointing out everything on the side of the road like a goddamned tour guide and jabbering on about the gorgeous blooming cherry trees.

We did realize as we were deep in farmland CA that I either a.) can't read or b.) can't see. Or both. As we passed a sign that said FRESH FRUIT: PIES & FUDGE (which are not even fruit by the way so what the fuck), I proclaimed, "FIGS? Who the fuck would stop for figs?" And then later when we passed a sign for Lightfighter Road my blindass yelled, "Who the hell would fight a lamp?" Which led Justin to believe that I caused considerable brain damage at my party the night before.

And this is where I give you the Monterey summary, as to avoid this becoming a novel about my vacation.

Hotel — Best Western Plus Beach Resort. Right on the sand and totally relaxing. The dinner we had there was one of my favorites of the trip (which included the World's best artichokes from Castroville, CA!).

Attractions — Lover's Point Park & Monterey Bay Aquarium.

Foods — Old Monterey Cafe (fantastic!) and Cannery Row Brewing Co. (not bad, but a total twatty bartender).

And then we were on our merry way to Cambria, which required a drive down Route 1 (aka the coast highway). I knew it would be beautiful, and oh it so was. What I wasn't prepared for was how damn treacherous it was. Justin was in heaven. I was sweating, swearing, and clutching the door handle for dear life, like it would actually save my life should we go over the edge.

The thing is, if I don't understand how it was built, I do not like it. Who built these roads, and how? The bridges? DOES NOT COMPUTE. But it was truly amazing and I even spotted some whales (well at least their blow — shut up that is the proper term for it, not spout).

After two hours of sheer terror we reached Cambria — the sleepiest town on the west coast (seriously, everything closes at 8 p.m.).

Hotel — Mariner's Inn. Newly renovated and a perfect beachy, rustic room. They also gave us a bottle of wine when we checked in, which is totally the way to my heart.

Attractions — Moonstone Beach, Fermentations (for wine-tasting), one million antique stores (which I developed an irrational fear of) and Cambria Beer Co. The beer tasting was by far one of the highlights of the town. We met a "regular" and exchanged life stories, and we met the "mayor" who is not a real mayor because they are not incorporated so she became mayor by winning fundraisers. My new goal is to move there and claim mayorhood.

Foods — JBJ's Round-up Pizza & Grub (the only thing that was open when we arrived...but a great birthday meal!), Linn's Restaurant (a Cambria staple) and Cambria Pub & Steakhouse.

Although a quiet town with not much to do other than walk along the beach and browse the local shops, we loved it. I loved it as a child and I love it even more now. It has always been a special place to me and I can definitely see us returning many, many times and then properly fitting in with all of the adorable gray-hairs that were vacationing along with us.

Stay tuned for the vacation, part 2: the time I ruined vacation. Shit gets real.