things we need less of.

I spend a lot of time browsing the internet. WHAT. Totally surprising, I know. Next thing you know I'm going to be admitting that I like cats or that I'm getting married.

So throughout my browsing, I see a ton, more like a SHIT ton of tutorials and recipes. And some of them are incredibly helpful. Such as the one that taught me how to easily remove labels from glass bottles. Or the one that taught me how to make tissue tassel garland (helpful, although not easy).

And then some of these tutorials and recipes can best be described as...remedial. FOR INSTANCE, I present to you tutorials and recipes that we need less of.

• TOAST, four ways!
• A different take on the braid (you can show me 27 different french braid tutorials and I still won't be able to do it).
• THE BEST, no really the best ever best mac n' cheese.
• How to stock a bar/coffee cart! <- but what even are these and is it really that hard?
• Buns, buns, and more buns.
• The ONLY smoothie recipe you need! Then why are there 3,001 of them on pinterest? Guys, smoothies: a green, some fruit, liquid base, and whatever seeds or powders you wish to add. It is not a science.
• Cauliflower pizza crust. More like cauliflower not even a little bit like fucking pizza crust so no.
• Painting or glittering bottles, jars, and/or terracota pots. APPLY PAINT TO VESSEL. BOOM. 

Truth be told, the toast was what sent me over the edge and inspired this post. It is fucking bread. That you put in a machine. And put a variety of other tasty things on top of. Again not deserving of its own masters program.

Basically, I spend too much time online. What tutorials and recipes have you had enough of? 

you asked for it.

Day 22 - Rant about something. Are you sure you want to tell me to do that? Okay....



The blogging community is fucking stupid.
Well holy shit. I went there. 
When I started this little blog of mine (<-- how many times have you read that exact phrase?) I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew is that I wanted to write and tell stories. And then I learned about FOLLOWERS and SPONSORS and GIVEAWAYS and I was like, holy shit I am clearly doing this wrong! I don't even have a proper bun! So I drank the koolaid. Out of a mason jar, naturally. I tried my hand at giveaways. I wanted followers, damn it! Those numbers on my sidebar meant everything to me. 

Look over there now. Yea, I deleted that shit. And even though I see it when I log into blogger, it doesn't define my blog. The stories I write define my blog and it will continue to be that way. I have officially hopped off the bandwagon.
Here is my favorite example of blogwagoning: When Google announced that they were banishing Google Reader to the depths of internet doom, the entire blogging community simultaneously shit their pants. HOW WILL PEOPLE FOLLOW ME NOW? Through Blogger. No seriously, through Google Friend Connect. No really, it isn't going away yet. 
But not one single person said that. Because one person shouted JOIN BLOGLOVIN from the rooftops of blogville everyone did. Are there better options? Absolutely. But because the blogging community listens to those that have more followers because obviously they know everything, there was only one option and that is where the Bloglovin' monster came from.
Bloggers don't think for themselves. They do what is popular — what will get them the most pageviews or followers. It is as simple as that. They will write a SUPER DARING POST or a SUPER SILLY POST and really put themselves out there. This said "community" celebrates mediocrity and there is far, far too much ass-licking going on. And then I said ass-licking on my blog.
No, there aren't any rules to blogging. But you should aspire to stand out. You should aspire to be different and to make a difference. Be known for something other than what you wore or how many times you went to Starbucks. 

I'm not trying to abandon the few readers that I have, because I do appreciate those of you who read my madness. And comment. And share your stories back with me. That is the part of blogging that I love, and what really keeps me going. That, and all of the Russians that contribute to my stats. Hi, Russians!
I do my best to share parts of my life that I find entertaining. I try my damnedest to be original and I will continue to support the friends I do have in this community. I promise you I will always be genuine. Always.

On my nerds.

My cousin's son said that once and now I will say it forever. I don't rant a lot on here, I just talk a lot. And swear a lot. And drink a lot. But guess what? Some things have been raising my blood pressure lately. Let's talk, shall we?

#1 Shminterest.
Okay, I get pinterest. I use pinterest. I love it. But dear god, I feel like it is just encouraging people to be more obnoxious than they already are in every other social media outlet. It is perpetuating ignorant humor. And the spelling and grammar, don't even get me started. Yourecards ruined humor, forever. Someecards were pure brilliance, but once we let people with the sense of humor of my 90-year old grandma make their own, shit started falling apart. And that baby polar bear that everyone keeps repinning? IT IS FAKE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. Get off pinterest for 5 fucking minutes and read a book. Maybe one of the 75 books that you've pinned quotes from. Try those.

But really? Are they?

It can't be funny with a blatant typo. I CAN'T LAUGH.

#2 "Obama is silly OMG LOLZ"
Stephanie already covered this a wee bit. Yes, election season makes us all crazy. Thankfully, it is almost over. And luckily, we only have to endure it every four years. And by "endure it" I mean "endure the ignorant and obnoxious assholes that election season brings out." Really ladies, take some fucking pride in living in a country in which you GET to vote and have your voice heard. It is not cute to make jokes about how much you don't know about politics. We all have different levels of knowledge and interest in politics and that is fine. On a scale of 1 to Rachel Maddow, I'm like a 4 when it comes to political knowledge. It's not even the opposite team players that are pissing me off this year. It is the ladies of voting age all over the blogosphere, and twitter, and facebook mocking the election and proudly acknowledging that they don't get it OMG LOL. And if perhaps you do reap some benefits from the government and its associated programs on any level, you should be the first person in line to vote. I'm embarrassed for you. I'm ashamed of you. And I'm afraid for your future children. Get it together, ladies.

Whoa. I feel better already.