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Wednesday, July 24, 2013
ww: confessions
This week, the harlots behind Whatever Wednesdays want to know what I spend wayyyyy too much time doing.
I mean, this is pretty obvious right? Anyone who has had any kind of conversation with me lately knows EXACTLY what I spend too much time doing.
Here it is. My confession.
I spend too much time plucking my eyebrows.
Oh what, you thought that I would own up to the inordinate amount of time I spend looking at wedding blogs? Pssshaw right. That is called RESEARCH and it is important.
Now, back to the real problem at hand here. These eyebrows. You see, I've stopped waxing my eyebrows because #1 MONEY and #2 BANGS. Why spend money on something that my bangs will cover anyways? Hello, logistics.
Also, #3 I spent many hours watching Game of Thrones and obsessing, OBSESSING over Daenerys' and Cersei's voluptuous brows. Please see exhibit A below to understand why I needed to stop visiting my torturous waxing lady.
As I was not blessed with such luscious brows, I need to be more mindful of my plucking and waxing. Which is a problem because I will sit in front of a mirror for many, many minutes trying to get that one damn hair that you can see at one angle but not at another. So if I get up to go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and see a brow out of line I will pluck instead which can lead to very long bathroom trips that make it seem like I am doing something that we all know girls don't do. I even bought one of those horrific 10000x magnifying mirrors from Walmart. They are truly a blessing and a horrific curse. You can never UNSEE what you see in that damn thing and the next thing you know I am gouging at my pores. Thirty minutes later when I come out of the bathroom, Justin won't even make eye contact with me.
And as my sisters and Justin know all too well, I will come at you with my tweezery fingers and pluck rogue eyebrows straight from your face with my bare hands without a damn warning. I consider it a talent, I really do.
Also, consider that your warning. Don't come at me with rogue eyebrows.
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i'm always plucking too but that's because i have really thick brows (thanks, dad!) that need regular grooming otherwise i would be mistaken for chewbacca.
ReplyDeleteTiff! Tiiiiffffff! I didn't know we were eyebrow soul sisters! I pluck the shit out of mine. I also have a mirror that shows me things I never want to see, but helps me see those pesky hairs that need to be plucked.
ReplyDeleteThe best mirror to pluck eyebrows in? The one on the visor in your car. Tell me you've done it!
I have never had my brows professionally done... you can probably tell that by looking at them. THAT'S WHY I GOT BANGS... so I could stop caring about my eyebrows!
ReplyDeleteMAGNIFYING MIRRORS ARE A BLESSING AND A CURSE. The worst is when you take a peek in one not knowing it's going to be a 50x magnification, and then it is. I have nightmares about that kind of shit.
When we meet, please be kind. Keep the tweezers to yourself.
We all need a friend who will remove stray hairs for us.
ReplyDeleteHAHA!! I'll have to remember to get waxed before I come visit!
ReplyDeleteLol I have pretty full brows...but not that full. I also seem to not notice the stray hairs AT ALL until they are totally outta control....I should work on this.
ReplyDeleteI know it's a myth when they say that if you pluck a gray hair from your head, 7 grow back in its place. However, I find the statement to be very true for eyebrows. Except for the gray part. Sometimes I think I need to use a thinning tool for mine. Such an art..eyebrows.
ReplyDeleteI can't go into my bathroom without looking for a rogue hair. I hear ya sister.
ReplyDeleteI'm rogue eye brows. I had never put tweezer or wax to eyebrow until I went to check out the woman who was going to do for my wedding. And she looked at me and said "Your eyebrows are horrible. they're the frame of your face. You look terrible" (which by the way if you haven't come across this in your wedding research is NOT what you want to hear a week before your wedding). And then before discussing it she sat me down and wax was applied and I am still not sure how it happened. I've tried to maintain the shape she created by plucking. but the truth is...I just don't care. YES, I SAID IT.
ReplyDelete(I also can't stop saying "eyebrows frame your face, and your frame is terrible" to my best friend who was there for the incident. because you know. it was laugh or cry and we chose laugh).
TIFF. I have a magnifying mirror too and it consumes my time every evening. Anything magnifying my face is the stuff of nightmares. My mom used to make me get my brows waxed in high school because "I look like a gorilla with those brows" (her words, not mine. still traumatized.) Now I wish she would still pay for it. I haven't gotten them waxed in a long time.
ReplyDeleteAlso, luscious woman eyebrows make me uncomfortable. I'm sorry. It's true.
I have to do my eyebrows whenever i cut my fringe.
ReplyDeleteAlthough I do keep a pair of tweezers in my work locker, because sometimes they annoy me so much it's either go home, or tweeze at work.
Just because nobody's said it yet: COME AT ME, BROW
ReplyDeleteI have Daeny's brows. Now if only I had her body...
ReplyDeleteHilarious! I'm a sucker for the pluckers too. I actually have very thick eyebrows. I have to keep them in line or they will take over my face.
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. I plucked so hard in junior high that I'm still paying for it! People lie. It doesn't all grow back.
ReplyDeleteI love that face you're making. Classic.
ReplyDeleteAnd I pretty much suck at plucking my eyebrows. They're never even. Please teach me your ways, grasshopper.
Bhahahaha, girl if we ever meet in person, you better keep your tweezing hands to yourself!! :) Thanks for reminding me that I need to get my waxed!
ReplyDeleteBangs have caused me to grow out my eyebrows a ridiculous amount, seriously. I hate plucking. I'm all about a thicker brow now, think that girl from that movie with julia roberts as the evil queen. if this isn't the worst comment I've ever left you.. i swear.
ReplyDeletep.s. you are going to shit when you see my blog tomorrow. you're definitely a victim.
this is one of the most terrifying things i've ever read.
ReplyDeletei'm banning use of tweezers when we're together.