Who wants an iPad mini?

Hi Wittle Kitty-Ittles...my name is Alissa and I take care of things over at Graceless Lady. Tiff Gee asked me to do a guest post for her, and since she spends her days talking me off a ledge, I couldn't say no.

One of my finest moments.

I'm here today to give you some advice about blogging. I know, I know, I should be charging you peasants for this, but I'm feeling nice, so here it goes.

1. To gain followers, you must host giveaways.

Bitches love free shit! I don't know where some of these girls get their giveaway prizes from, but if you can secure an iPad or iPad mini, I can assure you, people will go crazy over it. Here's the catch - don't expect any of these new followers to care enough to stick around for non-giveaway posts. Ain't nobody got time for that!

2. Charge people for everything.

From this moment on, do not tweet/retweet/follow anyone on Twitter without charging them at least $5 first. If anyone asks if it's okay to mention you in one of their posts, make sure you're receiving royalties for every page view. In fact, if you can figure out a way to charge people in order to be able to view your blog, you could make hundreds.

3. Have an Army of Skanks.

It gets pretty rough out there in Blogland, so make sure you have a few girls who will defend you no matter what. Faithful skanks are easy to identify. They are the girls who will email you right away if they find a post that might be about you. Then, once you comment on said post, they will follow up with an, "Amen!" But be careful - you don't want anyone trying to take your place as Queen Bee.


Well, kiddles, I hope you know that I'm kidding with you. Please don't do anything that I mentioned, especially charge people for (or pay for!) blog advice. None of us went to college and majored in blogging, therefore none of us should be paid to tell you that being yourself is the best way to go.

Also, here's a thought - learn HTML. It's really not that difficult and if you spend a few minutes on Google, you will find bloggers who teach you how to design blogs FOR FREE. Or, if you're really that lazy, email me and I'll send you the links to the sites I've used.

Tiff, thanks for letting me take over for the day. You owe me $75