So yesterday after someone (okay, me) had the bright idea to go to ihop for breakfast, this all changed. Because it had to. This weekend we probably contracted salmonella, gave ourselves food poisoning, and I got attacked by mosquitoes and my ankle and foot have golf ball sized bites that I can't stop scratching even if I wanted to. This can be summed up in three conversations:
The Salmonella.
Justin (friday): Oh, so I may have fed us salmonella tainted peanut butter. I read the recall report today.
me: oh, okay. I'm sure we're fine.
The ihop.
Justin: I don't want water here, it will be gross.
Me: No one has ever died from drinking tap water. Except all of those people in Erin Brockovich.The Salmonella.
Justin (friday): Oh, so I may have fed us salmonella tainted peanut butter. I read the recall report today.
me: oh, okay. I'm sure we're fine.
The ihop.
Justin: I don't want water here, it will be gross.
And the squitos, but I will spare you the photo because this entire post is bad enough.
Me in a picture message to Justin: I wanted to share my foot boobies with you, because I'm not disgusting enough already today.
And bonus convo to prove that Justin isn't perfect all of the time.
Me: I'm going home to die now.
Justin: Leave the bathroom door open so JMEOWW can find you.
Me: BROKEN UP.
So much sharing has happened in the past two days and I didn't want you all to feel left out. So, you're welcome. This is step one in the process of overcoming my potty prudishness. Step two is moving in together. And then it's all over.
that all really sucks. haha yeah, I still can't poop in front of my husband. It's been two and a half years together and he has only heard me fart once.
ReplyDeletebut when I had roommates, we were like a bunch of dudes. it was disgusting. sometimes I miss that freedom..
It took me MONTHS to be able to poop with Andy in the house. He's only heard me fart once and it was an accident and I was MORTIFIED. I don't know if I'll ever get over it. But if I'm at my parents' house? I will let it rip like a dude.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHAHA I grew up in a house of all boys that were disgusting and open about it. Ummmm and you must have been bitten by the same mosquitoes as me because my foot is HUGE!!!! Hang in there girl! xx, Allie
ReplyDeleteI'm a total potty prude. Total.
ReplyDeletebut I loved this post, I'm still laughing. I think the Erin B. was my favorite part. I'm still laughing even though I had to stop and think of how to spell her last name but decided I didn't care.
I thought you said it was for your friend about the Salmonella! Lies!
ReplyDeleteWait, there was not farting in NOLA? There was def pooping. Lol.
Earlier this year I gave myself food poisoning for a week. Yes, it took me being sick for several days to realize I was drinking expired V8 fruit juice! EWWWW! I'd literally drink it then get really sick and I'm so dumb I couldn't figure it out haha.
i always try to tell myself when its all over i was on a diet.
ReplyDeletewow...sorry you're feeling bad :( hope you get better soon
ReplyDeleteI'm not a potty prude. My best friend freely talk about it. It's kind of gross now that I think about it. Sorry for the overshare.
ReplyDeleteYeah, sometimes it's just best to be quiet about certain things, so I don't blame you for being a potty prude. I'm a little more flexible when it's someone else talking about themselves, although, I remember when I was 10 I was in love with the 13 year old, blonde, surfer, neighbor kid. He told me once that he did a snickers bar in the toilet, I don't think I ever recovered. I hope your tummy recovers and I take it that you have not died from the Salmonella, since you wrote a blog post. That's a good thing. Oh BTW I follow this blog that I think you may like. http://missedperiodsandothergrammarscares.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeletei got food poisoning from ihop once although it wasn't from tap water. i ate my breakfast and came home and it promptly all came back up.
ReplyDeleteI am literally dying over foot boobies. I have been there.
ReplyDeleteJames wanted to go to ihop on Saturday. I'm officially glad I refused.
Foot boobies had me laughing hard. Sorry. Not funny. I hate food poisoning. Got it once from a restaurant in Santa Barbara...not pretty, not funny and just bleh.
ReplyDeleteFeel better soon!!! I hope you already do.
i'm not even going to lie. you sound like a hot mess.
ReplyDeletebut you're a hot mess that made me laugh. so technically, you're my favorite kind of hot mess.
feel better!
Eight years and my husband doesn't fart in front of me. It's the little things.
ReplyDeleteMy cats scratch at the door if it isn't open, no privacy there.
Girl, you will loosen up real quick...there is absolutely NO SHAME in my game or Ross's or my children for that matter. Okay, now we know each other on an even higher level now! ;)
ReplyDelete