I have so many things to say about this.
So. I shamed my mom into actually decorating her tree, rather than put generic ornaments on it like a goddamned heathen. So she dug out this treasure as payback and when I get up there on Christmas Eve it better be front and center.
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English was my second choice of major in college, so let's deconstruct this "Poem."
Tiffany likes Tiger-striped cats. This is not false, in fact I had several later in my childhood (several because my older sister kept running them over...on accident...allegedly). Why couldn't I just choose tigers? Because I was gifted.
Italian food is her favorite food. Also true, however the only Italian food I ate at this age was noodles and butter.
Fantasia is her favorite movie. False. But it was probably the only movie I could think of that started with "F."
Fishing is her favorite sport. Was it? Kind of. I used to go along with my dad. Can't say I did any of the actual fishing things, but I still went. Also, unclear whether this is a sport....
Alaska is her favorite state. My favorite state that starts with "A," obviously. It has polar bears. Why wouldn't it be one of my faves?
Nutcracker is her favorite story. I don't even know.
Yucca Valley is her favorite place to go. Because I haven't yet been to Yellowstone, obviously. Or Yugoslavia. Yemen?
In conclusion, I'd really like to know the point of this poetry assignment. To make me out to be such a liar? It certainly wasn't to work on my smizing or the art of the open-mouth smile. But I glued the shit out of that macaroni. I sure did.
HA! John's mom always tries to get us to take things that John made as a kid. It is so annoying. I know it's bc she wants to get rid of it but will feel bad if she throws it out. WTF and I going to do with it?
ReplyDeletethat is one neck of a poem. and I know poetry. it's the last summer next that I don't hate as far as my major goes. an even though I've done more than my requirements in that department, it's the only thing keeping me from dropping out.
ReplyDeleteyou should submit this to a literary journal.
Yemen is dangerous. Don't go there.
ReplyDeleteThe most hilarious part of all of this is how you look exactly the same now... still too adorable. And still loving Yucca Valley, I hope. Whatever that is.
ReplyDeleteBahaha...I HATED doing stuff like that when I was a kid, having to think of something that starts with every letter of your name. It always felt so pointless. My least favorite...the ones where you had to describe yourself using each letter of your name. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteI had to scroll back up to look at the macaroni, priceless.
ReplyDeleteThis is f-ing awesome.
ReplyDeleteOh my hell.
ReplyDeleteTiff.
You just destroy me, you're so funny.
Alabama, Alaska, Arizona, ARKANSAS.. how could you not pick that? HOW?
THIS IS SERIOUSLY THE BEST THING EVER!
ReplyDeleteThe bronzed macaroni brings it home. I have similar ornaments. Expect a post.
I love that you mention cats! When JMeoww was just a far off twinkle in your eye.
You were/are precious.
LOL why did it take me reading the explanations twice and not understanding that they spell out TIFFANY?! Sad!
ReplyDeleteAnd I love that you've always embraced the "bitch please" face.
I'm with Leeann! I was like, well don't say "Fantasia" is your favorite movie then. Hahaha! My mom has one of these I made about my positive attributes. "C is for caring, h is for happy, r is for rad, i is for intelligent..." No joke, it said rad and intelligent. What a loser.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a type of bucket list.
ReplyDeleteI love the look of disdain on your face all the while smizing. Good girl.
um... have you ever been to Alaska? At least at the time you made this ornament?
ReplyDeleteTiffany, this is AWESOME!!! You were such a gifted little write and so imaginative. LOL!! And look how freakin' adorable you were. Love you!!!
ReplyDeleteAww little Tiffany was soo cute!! You were very creative with trying to find things that started with the letters...what starts with K? nothing!! I would have made it Kardashian like and said something like Kathrin like Kats or something hahaha
ReplyDelete