f{blank}otw

Hello, and thank you for joining me on the conclusion of THE LONGEST WORK WEEK EVER. I know this happens to all of us — when there is something to look forward to, we turn into a 4 year-old child screaming in the back of a van in peepants, "ARE WE THERE YET?" Hell yea we are, peepants child. We are at Friday.

You will see I was a bit indecisive this week. Call it pre-birthday-party-and-vacation-deficit-disorder. Or call it I've had two glasses of wine every night this week because it was my birthday week. Anywho. Let's get to it. My favorite blogger-related things of the week!

 Helene tells us what our nails say about us. BRILLIANTLY.

My dearest friend Traci gifted me an amazing caviar manicure set that I will be testing out tonight. If you hear loud swears, know it was definitely me trying to even paint my own nails, let alone decorate them.

Brhea enjoys "The Middle."

"I feel constant pressure to hurry up and get to the next stage in our lives." Yes, yes, and more yes. Thank you, Brhea.

Tuesday's post taught me that I am not alone in my quest to properly learn left from right. It also taught me that we all struggle to remain positive sometimes, and Michelle has some clever ways of encouraging herself. Also, do yourself a favor and watch some Kid President videos. Hilarious.

And finally, tweets of the week. Twotw, if you will. One of my favorite hoochies and amazing jewelry designer, Dana of Bloom and Inspire tweeted me to tell me I was the most proficient tweeters she knows. Well, heck yes I am. I love instant gossip and entertainment. And I also want to win some of her fabulous new jewelry (winky face!).  

Homegirl Staci had me rolling with this tweet about how Taylor Swift continues to become the most unbearable human in our existence, aka Hathaway 2.0. 

And just because they ended up on top of each other in my favorites feed, I kept these blog besties together. How much does Samm nail it on the head? And Shannon continues to tell the story of my life.

And there we have it, guys. And by now it is Saturday, right?

Is it vacation yet?

Birthdays! Vacations! Is there anything else spectacular for me to talk about this week? Should we share opinions on the papal conclave?

Nahhh. Let's plan my vacation, yea? 

So the day after my birthday party, which was probably poor planning, we are embarking on a road trip up the California coast. Which is also poor planning because I yell at Justin when he drives, even though he does absolutely nothing wrong.

We are driving straight up to Monterey (so I can go to the aquarium, which I have never been which is blasphemy according to my marine biology degree), and then working our way back down throughout the week. As a psychotic planner, I have naturally googled every possible thing to do along the way which includes wine, wine, and more wine. I do not object.

What I'm most excited about so far is Ostrichland USA. Why? OBVIOUSLY they are my other soul animal. Even though you hate birds, Tiffany? Yes, because they are not birds they are dinosaurs. Obviously.

You know what other kind of amazing animal farm exists in this region? MINIATURE HORSES. And I might just buy one and get it a tiny saddle so that jmeoww can ride it around our apartment. Obviously.

And then my search stopped there because I spiraled into searching for tiny cowboy hats. So, I ask for advice. Besides these three amazing and animal-centered activities, and also wine, what else should we see along our Central California Coast journey? Some of you have already given me fantastic recommendations, and for that I praise you. Is there anything else that we absolutely cannot miss on this journey?

You in first place.

Something is going on with my music choices. Meaning, shit got ghetto. Real ghetto. Meaning, this song has been on repeat even though it has nothing to do with my life and I don't really want to be buried in the booty club. I might win a bad bitch contest though. That could actually happen.

While I'd like to state that I'd like nothing more for my birthday than peace in the blog world and stricter gun laws, we all know that isn't ever entirely true. I like things. Pretty things. 

You know, in my 29.975 years on this planet I still haven't mastered the light scarf. I'm setting my goals really high this year, guys. Thirty is the year of the light scarf.

These things I've learned.

With my 30th birthday on the horizon (are you sick of hearing about it yet?), I've been thinking about posting something profound and hopefully quite wisdomous. Wisdomous is a word, trust. But I would feel like such an asshole spouting off wisdom that I don't even follow. And, I realized I don't like talking about myself THAT much. I like telling stories, but like a laundry list of Tiffany wisdoms? As amazing as that sounds, I'm already sick of hearing myself.

So I will leave it at this - I am going give you some cliff notes on things I have done/learned in my life that have shaped the 30 year old woman that I am. And a few things I need to work on, just to keep it fair-and-balanced, you know? Let's do this shit.

THINGS I HAVE DONE/LEARNED

• Daily drama & crisises, while entertaining, help no one. I have made a conscious effort to be more positive and stop bitching about every single little thing in my life. Am I 100% positive? Nope. But in the past 5 years I have gotten SO much better at looking at the bigger picture and not letting little details get to me.

• I will always be judgmental. I can't help it. And if you are going to wear 6-inch stilettos to work and then you can't walk in them you deserve my judgement. 

• If you are unhappy and unfulfilled in a relationship, end it. It will be awkward and awful and you will feel like the worst person in the entire world. That will all pass. But you can't force happiness and fulfillment. You just can't. I ended a 5+ year relationship much to the shock of my family and friends and I have never regretted it and never looked back. Making yourself happy and complete will always be #1 in my book.
• Footnote: And if you should perhaps leave an unfulfilling and awful relationship, please read Eat, Pray, Love. GUYS IT REALLY HELPED ME. Learning to let go was the most important lesson of my life.

• Single ladies...LIVE ALONE. At some point in your life, ditch the roommates. Suffer financially. Decorate the shit out of your apartment. Eat dinner in you underwear. Sleep naked. Pass out drunk in your bathroom and cover up with the rug. No one will ever know. You will really discover who you are, who your friends are, and what is important to you.

• You will know when you find your other half. You will. If you can honestly not find one single thing wrong with a person, besides their shoes, then they are truly your perfect fit. And when you find that person, don't let them go. Fight your hardest fight. Have no shame. Because when it works, you will never regret the sobbing and mildly drunk phone call which sealed the deal and also solved the problem of the ugly shoes. It is so worth it, you guys.

• And speaking of having no shame, lighten the fuck up, you know? One of my favorite (probably made-up) words from a book is erleichda - and it literally means "lighten up." Laugh at yourself. Relax. But don't relax to the point of farting in front of your significant other. That shit is UNACCEPTABLE. 

• Not all cats are self-reliant. Some are special-needs. Really special-needs.

THINGS I STILL NEED TO WORK ON.

• Learning the difference between left and right.

• Saving money and sticking to a budget.

• Setting boundaries. BIG TIME. And then sticking to them. BIG TIME.

• Not getting caught up in other people's drama. Not my bid'ness.

• My fitness. I'm getting better at it, and I like it! I just really need to stick with it. Like, forever.

• Not loving beer so much. Or whiskey. 

• My television viewing choices. Or do I.

And now that I'm through this I still feel like a total asshole. Because who I am to tell you how to live your life? I didn't even have hair until I was four, so why should you listen to me? Because I am happy. I am turning 30 and I can honestly say that I am happy. And once I finally distinguish between left and right, I feel like I might really have a chance in this world.

f{b}otw

What a week, right? A few parts crazy combined with many unnecessarily long days. Most likely because I have a vacation on the horizon. Thanks so much for slowing down, time. Luckily, the blogworld provides endless entertainment. Here are my shmaves from this week.

 Michelle's eventful trip to Ikea

Because, I mean, haven't we all secretly wanted to have this moment?

 Every single comment that y'all left for me on Tuesday's post. My heart can't even handle that level of love. Thank you, from the bottom of my cold, mildly-evil heart.

GUYS. Back-to-back tweets from sort-of famous people! All thanks to my fangirling over The Face, which if you aren't watching that I don't even know you any more. I replied to my favorite fashion bloggers of all time, The Fug Girls of Go Fug Yourself and THEY REPLIED BACK TO ME! And then. THEN. One of the models from The Face, Devyn, who pretty much could win the entire show sent me some love. All of this thanks to Naomi Campbell. 

So, I know I'm supposed to share the twitter love but I couldn't help but brag for a brief moment. ME TIME. 

What were your favorite blogging moments of the week?

Cheers to the weekend!