The FACE.

I can't even tell you how many times I've heard the following phrases:

"Smile!" or something seemingly more clever to the person making the statement.

"Do you feel okay?" or some variation of that.

"Having a bad day?" which I would never answer yes to anyways so why are you asking STRANGER DANGER! 

To the above questions and many more, here is my perpetual answer:

"It's literally just my face."

Sometimes I try to get all lady gaga clever with statements of being born this way and how hard it is to live a life looking perpetually pissed off. But you know what? It isn't. If anything it's entertaining as hell because it always keeps people guessing. And also encourages them to mind their own business. It does, however, get me marked as "snotty" and yes "bitchy," which is only true sometimes. I just like to think that I have so much going on in this genius brain of mine that I don't have time to worry about having a phony smile pasted on my face at all times.

Source: blog.krisatomic.com via Tiffany on Pinterest 

Quite possibly my favorite example of THE FACE in action can be seen in the photos below. Because seriously, how could we not be happy in that moment? We were paying attention, thank you very much.

Intense listening faces.

I smile on command very well, as do my friends.

Right? So remember, next time you encounter someone that may not look pleased, they are happy on the inside. Or their dog died. Either way, it's probably best that you don't even ask and just move on with your day.

Not a wedding.

I feel like you come here on Mondays now expecting to read about a wedding. I'm very sorry to disappoint you this week. Come back next week, Wedding Fans.

This weekend we went to Disneyland! Why would we drive to Orange County to a crowded theme park in September during the one weekend where we could stay home and relax? Because I had free tickets. Free tickets which expired next weekend. So to Disneyland we went.

My most recent Disneyland trips have been with my niece and nephew, so it had been a while since I got to do all of the "big-kid" rides. Which I quickly learned, I am no longer comfortable with. Star Tours? I got dizzy. Space Mountain? Dizzy. Matterhorn? I'm still certain I slipped a disc. 

So after I schooled Justin in Buzz Lightyear's Astro-Blasters (A man who designs video games for a living, mind you), we headed to Downtown Disney for some food. AND BEER. Naturally.

I have decided that Disneyland is probably the #1 people watching spot in the entire world. Here are some of our observations:

• Fat kids in witty shirts. Now stop right there, it's not mean when they bring it upon themselves. One large child was wearing a shirt that said "I (heart) bacon." And the heart was made of overeasy eggs. COME ON. Another massive child was wearing a neon tye-dyed shirt stating "I'm with awesome" with an an arrow pointing up. They are simply asking for it.
• The amount of bratty little girls dressed like ghetto-ass princesses was enough to send my ovaries into permanent hiding. Some are cute. And some look quite deranged. My favorite child costume of the day was the little girl dressed like Maleficent. Because she's honest. And she probably won't grow up to be an entitled asshole.
• Bra-less foreigners.
• PIN PEOPLE. Oh my god, Justin was unfamiliar with the PIN PEOPLE and it was my favorite part of the day. Have you ever seen a large & seemingly tough tattooed man with a cherished Disneyland pin collection proudly displayed on his muscular chest? PIN PEOPLE are worth the price of admission.

And my favorite observation of the day:

• Girls who flirt with my boyfriend in front of my face. AKA complimenting his t-shirt. I get it, Dr. Who fans of the world. You are your own class of people (the ranks of which I will soon be joining). But I know, I KNOW what you are trying to do. I won't hesitate to cut a bitch.

He should be lucky I'm so protective. Ahem. That said, it was truly a lovely and magical day. And it made me genuinely happy that I have a man that will take these adventures and laugh along with me. And buy me souvenirs. Also, beer.

Fancy Fridays: Back to school. Booty school.

Things got weird with that title. See what happens when I try to make a Friday's Fancys theme relevant to my attempt at dieting? The main point here is that I am officially motivated to do something about the ever present and ever growing beer belly (and thighs, and buttocks). I am tall, but I am curvy. I am slender, but I jiggle. And not in a good Beyonce sort of way.

I've hit this weight before, about 5 years ago. But I was unknowingly in the throes of a deep depression and a very unhappy period in my life and had zero motivation to do something about it. Until some of my family members were like, "you know what..." and one of my friends husband asked if I got implants. Fine. I get it.

This time, I am motivated but busy and tired and insert excuse here. But it has to happen. IT HAS TO. Last time I did Weight Watchers and turned into a crazed fanatic. This time, I'm just going to not eat everything that is placed in front of me. And not drink every night of the week. Only two nights a week for alcohol. Okay maybe three. And special occasions. Like Columbus Day.

And I will exercise. And not in the streaming netflix fitness shows kind of way that always turns into a giggling dance party. Real exercise.

Also, VEGAS is happening very soon. Like 6 weeks soon. Like I want to fit in a skanky leather dress soon so goddamit Tiffany put down the cheese danish! I will fit in these dresses.

linking up with {av} for friday's fancies! 

And don't forget to enter my super awesome giveaway! Cheers to a more sober and less-fattening weekend!

Show your shark pride! Sunkissed Sisters giveaway.

Summer is officially over and I did not go to the beach once. I mean, I went to the beach bars but not once did my feet touch the sand or the Pacific Ocean. And I'm totally okay with that. I am not a beach girl, but I do love the ocean and the animals that live there. Which is probably why I stay out of the water.

Another fun fact about things I did not do this summer: I did not watch Shark Week. I can not do such a thing. No, I'm not afraid of sharks. I'm afraid of bad science and inaccurate information so I just don't watch. It's better for my blood pressure and for everyone around me.

Anyways, when my fellow animal-lover friend showed me this bracelet during one of our etsy spirals, I wanted it immediately. And you probably want one too. So here is your chance to win a gorgeous shark tooth wrap bracelet (black wrap & green gem) from SunKissed Sisters. These California girls create beautiful pieces inspired by the beach and nature, and this wrap would make a perfect addition to your arm party!

Sharks can have up to 30,000 teeth in their lifetime, because
broken/old teeth are immediately replaced with ones from the
back rows of teeth. You learn things on my blog, yes you do.

My number one rule of this contest: You have to promise me that you won't hate sharks. I realize that is not something that rafflecopter can moderate. However, sharks are really fucking cool and they face a multitude of problems in the ocean, all of them caused by humans. So pick up your trash, and eat sustainable seafood. Or don't eat seafood at all because it's disgusting.

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Wedding Whirlwind Part 4

You guys, guess what? We went to a wedding this weekend! Stop with the surprise. I get it. But yes, we did go to Wedding #4 of 5 for the summer. The end is in sight. I'm not sure my liver can handle another one.

This wedding was of a friend of my bestfriendcousin, Mandy, that I became friends with too. The couple, Angie & Travis, are two of the most genuinely sweet and happy people I've ever known. Seriously, so much smiling happened during the ceremony and it was adorable. No tears from me this time! That doesn't mean it wasn't lovely, it just means that I've been taking my meds properly.

We met up with my cousin and her husband before the wedding so that she could meet Justin. Yes, my bestfriendcousin had not yet met the man. So they had some bonding time over a few beers before we made our way to the wedding. I was especially glad to spend some time with her because she moved away from me earlier this year, so we don't get to spend much time together anymore. Which is quite unfortunate because when we get together, we do things like this:

As if the bronzed children weren't bad enough on their own.

One of my favorite parts of the night included our table company, Team Crossfit. Crossfit instructors and participants. Now we are not the most physically fit people you will meet. Again with the shocking statements. But after about 30 minutes the instructor had converted Justin to the darkside. Which he denied the next day. How quickly we forget.

So again, Sunday was recovery day and this time it took much longer for me to bounce back. Because I drank all the booze. Late Sunday morning when I woke up, Justin kindly commented on how I was snoring loudly all morning. False, I say. I don't snore, I say.

I thought you might say that, he says. Are you serious with that right now? Did you really video me snoring? Yes. He did. It amused the shit out of him. Luckily his blackberry from 1964 barely picked up any sound which means I was in fact NOT snoring. I was sleeping with my knees bent up though, which needs some further analysis. But point being, we amuse the shit out of each other. Which I am so fortunate for all of the time because who else would willingly attend 4 weddings in 8 weeks with a smile on their face and wear a shiny red cowboy hat? That guy right there.

"Anyone can be passionate. But it takes real
lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken

Linking up with the ladies of Weekend Update: Leeann, Sami & Dana.